246 Days.
There are 246 days until I leave for The World Race. That is 9 months or 35 weeks. As I write this post I am amazed and excited and nervous all at the same time. Who would’ve thought that I would be doing this? I didn’t. But with all of this being said, 2015 just might be the best year yet. YES, I am saying goodbye to comfort and to my home and friends, but I am trading them for memories and experiences I will cherish for the rest of my life. It’s this kind of adventure I will be thankful I did when I’m older.
I’ve talked so much about this trip and about the people I have met so far that I have been missing my entire life until now, but there is also a lot that I haven’t said in the midst of my excitement. A lot things that I never would say, but I’m about to…
- I’m always really excited to get the opportunity to share about my trip and how much The Lord has blessed me, but sometimes when I’m driving I can’t stop replaying the words of someone telling me I’m making a mistake in my mind.
- I may always say that I KNOW The Lord will provide all of my funds for this trip, but some days when I look at the clock and I remember the amount and I start to wonder if I’ve taken on a task that’s too big for me. It seems so daunting and impossible.
- A lot of days I seem BRAVE and confident in leaving for 9 months, but some nights when I’m up late at midnight I’m really terrified and scared to leave my home.
- I trust The Lord and His plans for my life, but when I remember someone who disapproves of what I’m doing I start to question if I’m truly listening to what God wants me to do or if I’m following a selfish desire.
- I have moments where I look around my home country and my heart aches for all that needs to be done here and I ask God why I can’t stay here instead, why He has called me abroad to serve Him.
- I originally got the call for this trip in February 2014, but I cried and stomped by feet and balled my hands into tiny fists and told God I didn’t want to go, but He relentlessly worked on my heart and here I am almost a year later.
When I read back through these few confessions, I start to wonder why God would choose someone like me to go out and share His name, to love on His precious children, to bring food and nourishment to people who normally go without, to be an example and a light for Him in some of the darkest of places. I question how He could possibly use me in such a big and beautiful way. I wonder why He would think to use me when I’m a mess. I break stuff and fall down a lot. I don’t always have a good attitude and sometimes I fall through on my promises. I procrastinate and make things harder for myself. I don’t always remember to trust The Lord when I should and I question the plans He has for me. Yet, He still chose me. He still hand-picked me. He still WANTS me. He still LOVES me. I am SPOKEN FOR.
I am giving up what I know to CHASE a life that PURSUES Him more. The greatest of Jesus followers in history claimed insignificance compared to Him. John the Baptist claimed that he needed to make himself less in order for Jesus to be greater. If I try to inflate myself, I will always blow up.
This year…I am giving Him my YES.
Plan for change. Plan for interruptions. Plan for inconvenience. Plan for imperfection. Plan for impossibility. START celebrating progress. Because God knows the plans He has made for you. {Jeremiah 29:11}
Need to confess?
