I’ve lost weight.
Yuppp. It’s true! Ever since I got back from the World Race training camp, I feel lighter. And it’s not because of some radical diet, or P90X morning workout routine, or the humidity on top of the 90+ degree weather in the mountains of Tennessee that makes you bathe in your own sweat right after you shower! No sirreeee! (Although, it would have been nice to come back with a toned ab. That’s right…my one, singular AB. Ain't no shame!)
I’m talking about a spiritual cleansing.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but the past few months I had been wallowing in complacency, self-pity, laziness, doubt and a lack of faith. Just pure and utter RUBBISH! I had my tank filled to the brim with grace earlier this year and I guess I expected that to hold me over for the next few months. But day-by-day, I would find myself less inspired and less motivated. I had allowed sin to fill up my heart and it began to overflow in my life. All around me people were blossoming: my dad got a promotion and started to take ownership of his faith, my mom got a scholarship to continue her nursing education, and my brother started getting recognition at work and to found a sense of fulfillment in his job. But somehow I was left feeling unenthused. And precisely that—feeling left behind.
I started to think, “What am I doing wrong? Why aren’t my endeavors fruitful?” WAAABAMMM. Next thing I know I was comparing myself to others and doubting my decisions. Ohhh and it’s even more of a trip when you start justifying your bondage instead of freeing yourself from those thoughts…
But along comes training camp… This is where the release begins.
Together with my wonderful Z Squad family, I praised and worshipped, danced and four-squared, snorted and cried, flocked and stomped, prayed and feasted, prophesied and ATLed aka Asked The Lord. (With such an explosion of goodness, how could you not drop a few LBSs?!)
Then the staff started getting into the nitty gritty with questions like, “What if we were to empty our hearts of the rubbish of sin before it started spilling into our interactions with others? To dispose of our bitterness, stubborn pride, seething anger?” (Eph 4:26-32). I can’t tell you what triggered it exactly, but I kid you not, slowly I started shedding the spiritual baggage of curses, lies, generational inheritances, unforgiveness, and doubt that I never fully let go. Let me tell you, the process was nothing short of a hot mess–puffy eyes, snot coming out from everywhere, the works (or should I say, the water works)!
You know, this reminds me of a parable of sorts that I heard of a captain who finds a magnet. This magnet costs a fortune. So he loads his ship with hundreds of these magnets. When the captain and his crew reach the middle of the sea, their compass runs wild. The captain realizes that the magnets were causing their compass to run wild. So he decides to throw all the magnets overboard! It is only then that their compass starts working again and they find their way home.
I realized that my compass was running wild because of the magnets of sin that I kept onboard. And it kept me off of the path that leads straight home to Papa Jesus. At camp I decided to throw it all overboard, including myself! I want to drown in Papa’s love and lose myself completely in His splendor. Because He is GOOD, He is SOVEREIGN, He is LOVE, and He is ENOUGH! And ‘cause that’s the only way to do it—Overboard and Overjoyed!
