Loving people while on the race is one of the worst (best) thing I’ve been called to since starting this journey. When they tell you that you go to 11 countries in 11 months, most people’s thoughts are, sweet, look at all of these passport stamps. What they won’t highlight for you is that when you make deep connections, and truly love people the way that Hod calls us to, leaving them when moving to the next country is extremely challenging…
At least that happens to be the case with me. For all of you future racers- loving Gods children (adults included), the way that he calls you to is SOOO important- it’s honestly one of the best ways that I can give out of my lack. My ministry I’ve strived on is loving my hosts well; making sure that they know this isn’t just some project for us, but that God loves them- deeply, intimately, and in the most purest way possible. When I make deep connections like that though- I give my heart. I try my best to make sure that they feel loved, seen, valued, and know that they are worth having a relationship- regardless of their past or what they’re fighting through in their faith in the current moment. In that though, beings I’m a ESFJ (for those of you who take the Myers Briggs test)… that means that I am a huge feeler (my results are to the max on all of these things)… so when I love, I love hard and deep and the reality of me leaving them at the end of every month is real but I honestly forget about it until we’re about two days away from departure and I’m like… oh crap… I go through the emotions all over again when leaving them.
That’s not just with hosts though- God tells us that we have people in our life for a season, and that’s a beautiful thing as we “cycle” through people we can have different types of people pouring into our lives and really affecting us in beautiful ways. I’m realizing though that, 11 months of that thought process is a CHALLENGE… I am not one who loves see ya later in the first place and to do it 11 different times within a year may not seem like a lot, but it is… its emotionally taxing- yes, God gives me the strength, the heart, and the endurance to keep doing it and yes- I get to rest in his faithfulness and goodness for having me be able to even have met such wonderful people. It’s just not the most “glamorous” part about the race though…
What a privilege it is to meet people that have you wanting to see them again when you get the next opportunity, but the feels are real. I would not trade loving these people as hard as I have for anything in the world, but know that ugly cries are real.
I say all this to let you guys know that I’m emotionally tapped out. I need to be relying on Gods strength in order to stay above waters, and I honestly haven’t been… but I’m also over saying see ya later…
Loving people on the race, has seemed complicated for me- good but strange. They train you well on how to put healthy boundaries on the relationships you create, and for me it seems suffocating (only because I’m not quite awesome at setting and keeping boundaries). I now put more effort in how to love them well instead of just loving them, but I know it’s best as it also helps me to protect my heart.
Loving the people that are overseas has been awesome, I’m just emotionally drained with preparing my heart with the inevitable… thank goodness I don’t have a host this month?!
Zambia has been great, but relying on God for even the mundane is hard for me. I’m ready for someone to tell me what to do, and when to do it- life is easier- not better, but easier….
In order for me to stay on the race and go to Europe I need $300 and I have to be fully funded by June in order to go all the way to Spain. Just as an update for those that have been financially supporting me! Thanks for all the love!
