Before I continue on in my blogs I first wanted to share my heart behind why I haven’t posted in the last couple months.
I’ve been trying to figure out where I stand with social media. It’s been about three months where I didn’t post anything. There’s a lot I’ve been trying to figure out internally, while seeing how I want to live my life. I know my hearts desire is to be intentional with others. But I’ve seen social media be a platform that I have in the past personally used at times to seek instant gratification and acceptance; rather than first truly living out my worth in Christ and also first fully being intentional and investing in the lives of others. I’ve seen how it can be a distraction and feed insecurity rather than having my heart’s motive be for the Lord to receive the glory (even if He still receives the glory in the end). I’ve been trying to walk through my own insecurities, to what the Lord has convicted me of with intentionality, and to see what this looks like for my own life.
I’ve gone through the battle of just wanting to delete social media altogether. I’ve wanted to get rid of it and be done and focus on just pouring and investing in those around me. But it’s hard when one: the main means of communication now a days are through social media platforms or through social media apps. (Especially when you are over seas and constantly traveling). Two: if I give up social media am I losing the opportunity to show Jesus or even connect with people I’ve met that I might have never before?
in taking notice of this I see how social media can be a great tool to be used in a good way. It’s been a blessing to have at the same time. I have been able to keep in touch with those around the world and see what the Lord is doing. The fact of the matter is that social media isn’t the problem. The problem is the idol we can easily make it and how we can use it to bring comfort or to numb ourselves to the things around us; instead of walking through the hard things, being in uncomfortable situations, or even dealing with what’s going on around us. We would rather put on a facade of our lives being great or post a beautiful picture with a quote and inspiring word while we are just wanting someone to hear us and know us deeper. This is something much bigger than social media.
We want our voice to be heard. We want our opinion to matter. We want to be liked and cared about. Our identity cannot be founded on what others think or even say we are, or else we fall into the game of trying to prove our worth and our identity. We try to show the world we are worthy, and we are told we are just another like in the pool of information floating into space.
Intentionality doesn’t fall into social media only either. We can find ways to numb or to distance ourselves from intentionally, from relationships and even to try to prove our worth. Social media is just one means that we’ve used to do so and where we can choose our own distance.
So this is what has been on my heart. This is where I’ve been. This is where I’ve been working through. So that I am hidden in Christ and that I can truly be intentional, before being able to post again. I am human and know it won’t be a one and done deal in my life of seeking intentionality or even facing insecurity–I know I’ll need to apply truth at times when feelings arise and I’ll need to know where are my boundaries and heart motives are in what I am doing. Not everyone needs to know every detail of my life, and my worth isn’t validated by likes and followers.
Walking through this now, I’m hoping my focus on intentionality and discipleship will be something I can take home with me. I hope the people I am around won’t have to know me by my posts or pictures or whatever else they have seen through social media. I hope they will know me by my presence in their lives. That I will show Jesus to them in whatever way He wants to use me, even if I myself might not understand what that looks like. Also, I hope while I’m on the race and afterwards, the Lord will use social media not as a way to promote what I am doing, but what He is doing through me. I pray my loved ones back home who have been supporting and praying for me are able to see this clearly.
My heart’s motive moving forward is that the things I say will not point to myself but point to Christ. That I will be a vessel to share my life and my stories so ultimately He will be seen. It is nothing of myself. I know my worth isn’t defined by others or what this world says, but I just need to continue to walk in that truth even when I don’t believe it in my heart.
If anyone has any questions or wants to know further into my heart and this feel free to reach out. I am sorry for not being present in my blogs, but I know that was a time of uncovering deeper issues and needing to work through them. Thank you for your prayers and understanding.
In Christ,
M.
