New team changes, new location. We are all now here in Thailand, the land of food, and the red light district. This is an area that I have felt my heart pulled towards for a while now, ever since leaving for the race. Bangkok, the place that my squad landed in first, and stayed for a bit for our team changes, is absolutely bubbling with sex trade. It was all over. You could literally feel the grimey, heaviness all around you walking through the streets. There were several alley ways that we walked down during the evening with women standing outside of bars in very little, revealing clothing. Some, were lined up, sitting in plastic chairs right outside of the massage parlors or bars. While many of the Thai men working with them, the owners of the bars, and their pimps all aggressively waved menus in your face of all the sexual acts that the women could provide. There were lady boys, strutting around, with empty but smiling faces, and young boys as well sitting outside of the bars putting themselves on display, just waiting. This was the normal routine of this place. This was the life that they had all been a part of for so long, that it seemed perfectly normal to be looked at as an item to be chosen off the shelf.
The realness of it all as soon as I got to the city and went out to go in search of my first meal hit me really hard. It brought a lot of negative memories from my past, of un-wanted feelings of fear, discomfort, and anger towards the men. How could they be so vile? How could they actually THINK that this is right, in any way, to allow such horrid things to happen, and even worse, to MARKET it on menus like food to be eaten, or a Christmas wish list! I was furious.
A couple of girls from my squad and one of our leaders decided, the second night that we were there to go, walk around, and pray for the people, and to let God move through us showing love to them along the way. It was crazy, the amount of struggle that I had in my heart that I had to literally every five minutes give over to him. I was hurting because, like in Swaziland with the children at our care point, there wasn’t much that I could do, except pray and speak to whoever he pointed out to us to encourage and show love to. We decided to buy a few red roses, and hand them out with some encouragement and conversation to the women he would put in our paths. After buying them, all of us ended up speaking to, and encouraging the women that we met, each one being given a rose. Simply to say, “you are seen, you are beautiful, and you are worthy of being respected, and treated with kindness”. In my heart, I felt some peace, being able to go out, and be a vessel of light to them, but my heart was still heavy. Because once again, here I am, this privelaged white girl from the states getting to walk away and go back home. There had to be more that we could do.
But God spoke again, “this isn’t your job Mariah. I am here in this, but a lot of the darkness in this place has hardened their hearts to me. But, I am still shedding light, and this will not last forever. Just keep pouring out what I am giving you, and leave the rest up to your dad. I’ve got this…” He also started speaking to me, once again, to give grace to the men who come into these places. They are acting out of a place of brokenness and loneliness, and he loves them too.
This was re-affirmed today, while my team is here, now in Chiang Mai, in a conversation with a man named Joe (his name has been changed for the purpose of confidentiality), in a restuarant I was eating at. I just felt a lot of emptiness and pain in him, like it was all over his face for real. So, I decided to go into another crazy place and sit down next to him and start pouring out what I felt God speaking. (I tend to do this a lot now.. fun times.. lol). He started telling me about how he felt addicted to the life here, and how he had gone in to the bars and found a “girlfriend” there. His story was that he had left an engagement out of the fear of commitment, and hadn’t been in a relationship for 30 years. At this point, he decided to come to Thailand looking for something, or someone just to talk to and to feel connected to, like so many men do as tourists here. He was flat out lonely, lost, and very much so broken. He kept saying, as he was so openly pouring out everything that he doesn’t know why he does it, and was so worried about me judging him. It seriously hurt my heart hearing everything that he was saying, and to know that he is among THOUSANDS of men who come to Thailand every year for these exact reasons. To feel loved, to not feel lonely, to feel wanted and desired, to run from things at home out of fear and anxiety. THIS is also the brokenness in Thailand.
It is a lot easier to focus on wanting to love the women who are directly in the industry, to empathize with them, and to hurt for them. It’s absolutely horrible, and heart breaking. But in this moment, God called me to an even higher place of love. To truly love those who you have seen as an enemy. These men need to be loved graciously as well. They are human beings too, and just as much, need the grace that Jesus gives ALL of us. So, I just listened to him un-judging, and then spoke encouragement to him. I told him that he can take captive his thoughts, and give them to the God that in this moment was seeking to reveal himself and claim his heart. The same God that loves those who are “doing things right” all the time, is the same God who came for the broken. He came not for the righteous, but for the sinners. He came not for those who are easy to love, but for EVERYONE who is willing to receive it.
Guys, please be praying for Thailand and the sex industry. It’s a very real issue, but love trumps everything.
Thank you to all who have been keeping up with my blogs, please subscribe and donate if you can. I am still in need of $2,700 after my funds get transferred from my bank. Love you all !!
-Mariah 🙂
