There is no denying the fact that I am an emotional human being. I have shed many a tear in my twenty-two years for many a reason. Before the race this was something that I felt the need to try and hide. I built up walls and only let a few people see me when they were, or I was, broken down. I was made to feel embarrassment for my tears. I often felt weak. Sometimes I felt pathetic for shedding a tear. All of this shame only made it worse. I cried about crying and it was not fun.
I ultimately concluded that tears were just not okay.
So I became numb. I stopped crying. I stopped allowing myself to feel.
As I have travelled the world I have relearned that this is just not the case. My eyes have been opened to the fact that it is more than okay, actually necessary, to feel. It is even, I should go so far as to say, a gift to feel things deeply, as I do.
TEARS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
God created them.
Now, I cry all the time.
*please do refrain from judgment*
The Bible says that, “Those who sow in TEARS will reap in JOY” -Psalm 126:5
Sometimes I cry when …
I want to express sadness, joy, frustration, etc.
I am truly touched by beauty.
I feel loved.
I don’t feel loved.
Biblical truths are spoken over me.
I miss my amazing family and friends back at home.
I am moved during worship.
My Bulgarian friend makes me laugh so hard everytime I see him or talk to him, without fail.
God’s grace is so evident in the testimony of a friend.
I thank God for blessing me with incredible teammates and new life-long friends.
I reflect on how much my life has changed in the last year.
I cried when a beautiful Romanian woman told me about how she only gets to see her husband one weekend out of the month because he works to provide for their family in another city. I cried because I could see so clearly that she loves her daughter with every fiber of her being. I cried because it was also evident that this woman finds so much of her joy in knowing that her daughter is loved by her Heavenly Father.
I cried when I had to say goodbye to all of the children who had completely won over my heart in Macedonia. I cried because I knew that I would never see some of them ever again. I cried because God was so good to me for gifting me with the three weeks that I was able to spend loving them. I cried because I am so blessed to now have an opportunity to pray for them as often as I desire.
I cried while watching the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in Zambia on Christmas day from the window in the backseat of a new friend’s car. I cried because I was in awe of the splendor of God’s creation. I cried because I was thankful to notice and appreciate it.
I cried as I watched an elderly gentleman being helped across the sand down the beach in Namibia by his two young grandsons. I cried because it reminded me of my relationship with my grandfather when I was growing up. I cried because their outward expression of love for him was beautiful.
I cried in Malaysia as I watched my dear friends at the special needs school interact so kindly, so intentionally with one another. I cried because I can only pray that my love for others can be as unconditional, as unprecedented as theirs. I cried because those moments have been imprinted on my heart.
I cried when I found out that I was fully funded. I cried practically every email leading up to that one. I cried because God is so good. I cried because God is a provider. I cried because all of you have been so generous and encouraging in your support my world race.
It is refreshing to know and believe that tears really can be beautiful.
They have become a trigger for me to invite the Lord into more moments. Some of the tears come because I have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His and broken hearts tend to produce tears. Whether happy tears or sad tears I can take them to Jesus and I can pray.
I encourage you to feel as deeply as God created you to and if that means shedding a few more tears then, by all means, please go for it.
I’d love to hear all about them to know if I can be praying for a situation with you or rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord alongside of you.
