This month has been full of knocking on doors… and yet, I think the only real door I’ve knocked on has been the door to the bathroom.
Let me tell you what I mean.
Doors #1 and 2: Their Doors
#1 – This month is all-squad month. What that means is that all of the teams on October Route 3, also known as O Squad, do life and ministry together for the month. So, rather than just being with the 5 other people on my team, I’ve been with the 40 some people on my squad. This has been both really great and really hard. I’ve loved the chance to get to know some of the other people that are on our squad, but I also get overwhelmed by large groups of people and need time by myself.
As I’ve been learning how to balance the time by myself with time with others, I’ve also been learning the importance of being intentional. I’m learning to knock on people’s doors. Not their literal doors, but the doors to their hearts. We only get this one month together as a whole squad, and I want to make it count. I want to really get to know people. This is still something I’m working on, but I have seen this month the gift it is to dive right into a relationship where it’s ok to be the real you and it’s ok to be honest about the things you’re working through as well as the things that bring you joy.
#2 – Ministry this month has mostly consisted of door-to-door evangelism. Something waaaayyyyy outside my comfort zone (which I will address more at Door #3). Every day that we do ministry, each group goes up to somewhere between 5 and 10 houses and shares the Gospel.
We usually let them know that we are missionaries from the U.S. (only two of the 43 of us are Canadian so Canada is not typically mentioned, haha) and are here to talk to them about Jesus and His love for us, and then we just listen for the Spirit. Sometimes we have really deep conversations, sometimes we ask if there is anything we can pray for, and sometimes we are asked to leave. We’ve talked to people walking in close relationship with the Lord, people who don’t and never have had a relationship with Jesus, and people who were Christians in the past but have fallen away. We’ve both given encouragement and received encouragement. It’s been really cool to hear people’s stories and pray over the areas of their life where they want God to intervene. And it all starts by knocking on their door.
Door #3: My Door
This month has been a real challenge for me. Two of the main reasons why have been mentioned above – all-squad month and door-to-door ministry. As a result, I’ve had to do a lot of knocking on the door to my own heart. When I’m around too many people or I’m being pushed way outside of my comfort zone, one of my natural reactions is to shut down and hide or slip into the background. I’ve had to fight to combat this on a daily, if not hourly, basis. I’ve had to keep on knocking on my heart, reminding it to stay open and willing to grow.
And I have seen growth. At the beginning of the month, when we first started door-to-door, I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just stand there and watch the others share. Then, after a little while, I felt confident enough to pray for people. (P.S. praying out loud was something I was super uncomfortable with before the race as well). But at that point, I still wouldn’t be the one talking about the Gospel. Then, this last week, I went for it. I started to share. I listened when the Holy Spirit was nudging me to say something. It wasn’t easy, but God was definitely with me, helping me and guiding me through the conversation.
I still have a ton of room for growth, but I’m happy that I didn’t completely shut down this month. I happy about the growth I have seen and am so thankful that I have a relationship with such a loving God, which brings me to the last door…
Door #4: His Door
All the glory for everything that has happened this month goes to God. He has been here. He has been working. He has answered prayers. He has led conversations. He is a good, good Father and I am loved by Him.
This month, I have done a lot of knocking on His door. I’ve asked for bravery. I’ve asked for confidence and boldness. I’ve asked for guidance. And I’ve received it.
I’ve also asked a lot of “why” questions. I’ve been hit over and over again since the race started with news that I don’t want to hear. People close to me who are sick or have received hard news. I’ve knocked on God’s door asking why and asking for Him to intervene. And you know what? There are still a lot of things that I don’t understand, but He has answered me when I’ve knocked. He has spoken to me through those around me. I’ve received encouraging words from people and seen more “God-things” than I can count. He’s reminded me that He’s with me and He’s with those I love and care about back home. He’s my Father, He’s your Father, and He’s their Father. And when you knock on His door, He will always, always answer.
