World Race training camp worship was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The first night of TC as we walked into our training center I immediately felt relaxed because they had some pumpin’ music playing. It had been a stressful day of traveling and meeting a whole lot of strangers. Throughout the whole camp I looked forward to walking through the training center doors because of the music and the beloved air conditioning. THANK THE LORD for air conditioning! The first couple of days of training camp were very, very hot. I was not used to that kind of heat, so the air conditioning was a definite highlight.
The training center was where we had all of our sessions and worship for the whole ten days.
As the first night of worship began, I was so confused. I was confused because I have never in my life seen worship done that way; but since I was in the front row, I decided to go with the flow and embrace this new kind of worship. I didn’t know any of the words to any of the songs so I kept opening my eyes, which embarrassed me in the moment but now I’m thankful for that night because I was able to look around and see all my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ worshiping our Abba. People didn’t care what they looked like, they did what helped them connect with God the most. There were people jumping up and down, people swaying with their arms extended out, people on their knees worshipping, people sitting down in silence with God, and I had never experienced any of that before, especially being so lost in worship that people would never open their eyes.
The worship team was very talented and did this thing where we sing our own worship to God while the music is still playing. The main guy, Evan, would ask us to sing from our hearts “whatever you feel God is saying to you”. This was the first time they asked us to listen to God, to our hearts, and to be all in. At first I didn’t know what to say so I just cried out “Jesus”. But, for the most part, I just listened to everyone else. Now I know how much power is in the name of Jesus alone.
Worship has always been how I connect with God the most. I absolutely love proclaiming the words to God. I always feel the Holy Spirit when I worship which is something I’ve always clung onto since I normally didn’t feel it anywhere else, especially reading the Bible. That night I was super disappointed I wasn’t feeling anything so I started to talk to God. Reaching out to him and asking him to help me, to fix this distance I felt in my heart, to help me with the massive amounts of anxiety I was feeling from the first day of training camp.
Then, as if Evan knew, he started talking about how sometimes we don’t feel the Holy Spirit but we still need to push through and worship God with the same amount of enthusiasm as if we did feel the Holy Spirit in every fiber in our body. That was a huge learning moment for me as I have always had a really hard time separating my emotions from my faith. I was guilty of only going “all out” in worship when I felt like it.
Evan then said, “Will everyone close their eyes and the ones who are feeling distant from God please raise your hands”. I rose my hand. Immediately a leader came over to me and starting praying over me. I recognized the voice, it was my squad mentor, A.K.A. the woman in charge. I was so taken back that she came over and was praying for ME. She said something to me that I didn’t realize was something I was dealing with, spiritual warfare… which is something I went into detail more in my “I Surrender” blog.
On the worship side of things, I’ve never walked into a room and felt the Holy Spirit so present in my whole life. It was incredible and intoxicating, something new that I’ve never experienced before. Even though I felt distant with God and everything was so new, I felt true peace fall over me as I worshipped God.
The second night of worship, I was just doing my thing, lost in the music, lost in the words, when out of nowhere my squad leader, Taylor, came over to me and starting praying. I’m not talking about our traditional Sunday morning prayers, I’m talking about being so lost in the Holy Spirit that he has taken control of your words. She prayed so passionately and so confidently; praying over me for at least 5 minutes. I wish I could remember everything she said but I was sobbing as she spoke the truth of the gospel into my ear.
One thing I do remember is that the worship team happened to be playing “No Longer Slaves” as she was praying over me. In this song, the main theme is being set free through God’s forgiveness and not being a slave to our bondages. Through her prayer, Taylor was helping me do that. You see, Taylor had no idea, all she did was say yes to the Holy Spirit. She didn’t know that back in March, when I was struggling with my self image the most, God made a clear shot to my heart. I was on the woman’s retreat for my church and the whole theme for the the weekend was that we are fearfully and beautifully made through Christ Jesus. Prior to that retreat I had never, not once in my life, thought that I, Marguerite San Martino, was beautiful. I’ve had severe body image problems since I could remember, even struggling with how I looked on a DAILY basis as a 8 year old girl. These issues have destroyed my confidence for years and years and years. Then, this retreat happened and the word beautiful kept being said, again and again. During that retreat & the following week to come I had 7 different people come up to me and tell me I was beautiful…(yeah, I know I was taken back too!) The first couple of times I brushed it aside, letting Satan get into my head and fill me with lies but the more it happened the more I believed. The more I looked into the mirror and said to myself, “you know what, maybe I am”. That was one of the first times I felt God literally chasing me until I understood what he was trying to tell me.
When Taylor was praying for me she said I am beautiful. At that moment I started sobbing because I knew God was speaking to me. It’s almost like it’s our code word now or something. It was honestly a life-changing experience. After that moment I was in awe and the rest of the worship session was a blur of tears and raw worship.
The next night I had a better understanding of what was holding me back from whole-heartedly worshiping God: I didn’t want to give up my life to God. So, God sends yet another leader, Luis, to come pray over me. His prayer was all about the amount of love God has for me and he, like the other two before him, declared Satan to leave.
After the worship session had ended I walked up to Luis and thanked him for praying over me. He simply said, “Well, yeah, God loves you so much Margee.” I immediately started to tear up because he said it like it was the simplest thing in the world and it finally clicked for me. I finally saw the ENDLESS LOVE God has for me, for you, for everyone. It was an incredible moment.
Way later that night after I had my nightly routine of calling my parents about absolutely everything that happened to me since we last talked (bless their patience, I go into a LOT of detail) I ended up being alone with my leader Taylor. I thanked her for praying over me and the impact it had on me. She simply said back, “Margee, God is fighting for you.” I was so shocked, and I didn’t know what to say. I stood there because no one had ever said that to me. The idea that the Creator of the world was fighting for ME and loved ME. I was shook to my core.
The next two days of worship were incredible and usually ended with me crying because I was so filled with acceptance, love, joy, & peace all from the Holy Spirit.
Finally, Sunday rolled around and by this point Jesus had wrecked me through worship. That morning I surrendered my whole essence to God because I finally understood.
There is so much power in Worship. There is so much power in the name of Jesus.
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