I’m sitting in my bed for the first time in 6 days. Wow, you don’t realize how good you’ve got it until you have to leave it.
The location of debrief was 30 min out of Addias Abba, the capital of Ethiopia. It was the HOPETHIOPIA headquarters and it was amazing.
//Cute side note: on the bus ride home, we all saw HopEthiopia in the distance, and everyone started yelling “we’re home!”. We had missed our family so much in the few days we were gone!//
The whole squad was staying in this house with a bun farm feel (only my family will appreciate this description). Old, rickety, church camp feel. My team shared a big room with team Kaleo, and the guys team, Covenant, was across the hall. Everyone else was downstairs, and the whole leadership team was staying in another house on the property.
We were fed really well, and walked through abandonment by having two bathrooms for 40 people and no toilet paper about 60% of the time.
Going into debrief, I had hit a B zone for about three days.
What is a B zone? Well, it’s definitely World Race lingo. We were taught at our last debrief in Siem Reap about Project Mood Curve. It’s a diagram with an A zone, B zone, and C zone. The A zone is the beginning, it’s a straight line and you’re just cruising. Then there is a drop called the B zone, which, if it’s low enough and serious enough, is affectionately named ‘The Pit of Despair’. Then, there is a gradual uphill climb, until reaching the top, which is called the C zone.
(INSERT PICTURE)
My B zone was pretty minor compared to some other ones I’ve had, but that was my attitude coming into Midpoint Debrief.
My body was hurting from my junior year back injury, which can really hinder my ability to do ministry. So I wasn’t feeling the best, but I remember being excited on the way to debrief. I was expectant that the Holy Spirit was going to show up and move mountains in my life like he always does at our debriefs.
We got to start off the first morning with our Father during a much needed sabbath. I got to process a lot of emotions that I had put on the back burner through my blip of a B zone.
I got to spend quality time with my God, talking and processing through the liminal space questions we were given at our last debrief.
And, like always, He wrecked my life.
Liminal space is a time of in-between. It’s when one phase of life is ending and another is soon to begin, but isn’t quite started yet.
The first question/prompt is,
•PAUSE. Acknowledge where you are and where He is.
I took this time to acknowledge how I felt about surrendering my family and how it had been going. It’s pretty remarkable how much God has been able to speak to me while I’ve been obeying him. There have been hard moments when I’ve started missing my family, but each time I’ve felt like this, I’ve prayed to God, and He has filled me with so much peace and assurance. Assurance that I am okay and that they are okay.
I also took time and thought about the simplicity of my life in Harbu. For some perspective on just how simple town life is, think about this: my teammate Amber has a light pollution map, and Harbu Chulule has zero percent. In fact, I’m sure if it was possible for a place to have a negative amount of light pollution, Harbu would. But the thing is, I absolutely love it.
I came to the conclusion that this time in my life was called Shepherd Space. A time to leave the culture I was so engulfed in, to step away from the world, and point both of my feet towards God. I time where I have no choice but to spend time with Him. You see, I asked God why he brought me to Ethiopia, and it was because he wanted to spend time with me so badly. He had to take me to a place where I had literally no distractions to finally realize that God IS EVERYWHERE.
( These notes are copied straight from my journal. )
PROCESSING – what happened this last season? (Season meaning this past month). •What has happened in Ethiopia?
When we first arrived in Ethiopia, you (God) were really working through me. Pushing me. I started questioning how our team treated each other; I realized it was wrong. I really struggled with the power of words – God used me, and he is teaching me to be BOLD.
Ever since then, I haven’t really been BOLD because I’ve really let fear drive me. Let’s pray that out. That spirit is not of you and I am your daughter.
•What else has happened?
Women’s ministry, house moms, and coffee ceremonies. I love, love, love those women. I did my own coffee ceremony, loving them with kindness.
I’m really confident in who I am in Christ. I don’t feel lost in the squad. I went through lots of up and downs. God REALLY revealed himself to me.
LOVE – I really feel it when I worship. It is so overwhelming when I’m crying, and it’s genuine love.
God, who do you say I am? A warrior fighting in my army. Bold & Strong with the armor of God on. Fighting to bring salvation through love.
PREPARE – God, what do you say over this season?
Last season – rollercoaster of emotions, growth, boldness, becoming new, learning to love and learning how much you (God) loves me.
This season – steadfast in me, saturated in my love, peace and goodness, Fearless warrior, Persecution, Joyful Noise
What do I want to cultivate in the next season? Consistency with you. Learning how to be filled by you. Learning how to not burn out. Lord, teach me how to rejuvenate in your presence. How to be made new in you everyday. Getting serious with my relationship with you. A space where you are at the core and the forefront.
Lord, be the captain of my ship. I’m letting go of the wheel. Tell me and show me where to go.
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
Then a cool thing happened!!!
•
•
Two days prior, my team was doing prophecy feedback, which means we all sat in silence, listening to the Lord, and sharing what we felt him saying about each other, without knowing who we were speaking to. We all picked numbers out of a hat and were prophesied over in the order of the numbers we drew.
I recorded the whole thing, and was re-listening to it after I had finished writing all of this in my journal.
It got to my turn, and my teammate Elena, had an image of me at a wheel trying so hard to steer all by myself, and I was really struggling. Then, Jesus whispered right beside me, “let me”.
I had totally forgotten she had said that.
And it hit me like a brick: God was trying to communicate to me, trying to show me that his way is better than my way.
I get so caught up in life and how I want to do things, and it EXHAUSTS me. I try to work out of my own strength and not His. I also love to be in control. I love it when it’s MY way. My family and my teammates can assure you that I am such a control freak, but I didn’t realize until that moment, that it was because I couldn’t hand the steering wheel over.
And it’s so easy. To have our minds set on something to the point that every other option falls away. It creates tunnel vision. All I see is what is right in front of me.
God furthered the image in my head. We were on a ship, like in Pirates of the Caribbean. I was on a massive ship and it was just me. There was sideways rain and I was wearing this giant raincoat, running all around and trying to steer at the same time. Giant wave after wave crashed.
I was at the steering wheel and all of a sudden, he was next me, whispering, “let me do it”.
Shouting with stubbornness, I said, “NO, I CAN DO THIS”. I did this again and again until I started crying and I sat down with my face in my hands. Jesus knelt down, kissed my forehead, got back up, and started to steer the boat.
As I sat there crying, I suddenly felt peace. I laid down and fell asleep instantly, sitting in the rest He provides when we hand him the steering wheel.
I woke up to calm waters, birds singing, and Jesus smiling down at me.
It was such a vivid reminder that even in the moment, when we’re in the middle of the storm, we need to turn and run towards Jesus. To remember that He knows me better than I know myself, and He has the perfect plan for my life- maybe not the easiest, but definitely the best.
ADOPT A MONTH!
SEPTEMBER (TAKEN!!! YAYAYA!!!!!)
OCTOBER (TAKEN!!!!! WAAHOOOOOO)
NOVEMBER (TAKENNNNNN!!!)
DECEMBER (taken!!! Whoop whoop!!)
JANUARY (taken!! THANK YOU!!!)
FEBRUARY (TAKEN!!!!!!!)
MARCH (NEEDED!!!)
APRIL (NEEDED!!!!!!)
MAY 31st flying into Florida
June 3rd flying H O M E !
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Ways YOU can Join me on my Spiritual Journey:
1. Pray. I will need a multitude of prayers ranging from strength, wisdom, clarity, love, joy… The list goes on. Whatever your heart desires and feels right, pray. At HopEthiopia, there’s a little boy whose legs don’t work. Pray healing over his body please!
In Nicaragua, pray for jobs. Most of the country is unemployed and it’s really taking a toll on families. Pray for God’s provision over these people.
- SPREAD THE WORD! Tell everyone about my trip and show them my blog.
- SUBSCRIBE! When you subscribe you will get all notifications when I post on my blog about my trip and any updates!
- If you would like to donate to me still, please donate directly to me and not World Race. I AM FULLY FUNDED but I am now raising money for flights!! I need to buy 3 plane tickets for my trip home on June 3rd and for PSL which is a week long “after the race” conference in Georgia at the end of June. Thank you for everyone who has donated already, it’s been an incredible journey!
Venmo me : Marguerite-SanMartino
