Wow, where do I even start. How do I explain that my whole world was just turned upside down. That Jesus just wrecked me. That I am brand new. That I have the holy spirit flowing through me. That I know the costs of what it means to follow Jesus Christ. That I surrendered my whole life to God. That I am a daughter of God. That I am ACCEPTED.
This whole past year of my life has been so busy, so busy I didn’t have time to process where I was going and the impact it would leave me with. When I arrived at my training camp I was immediately slapped in the face with challenge after challenge, physically and emotionally. The first session of training camp was Monday night. Our speaker, Dion shared on the costs of following Jesus. I was terrified in my seat. Every doubt possible to man running through my head but most of all, the fact that I had to give up everything…. Which is scary because no one ever said following Jesus was going to be easy but now, writing this I can’t wait to give up everything for my God. A God who forgives. A God who was thinking of ME on the cross. A God who loves me so much to the point where I can’t comprehend. A God who fights for me. A God who’s spirit is flowing through me always. A God who has a plan for me, if I listen. A God strong enough to help me climb mountains and walk with me through Valleys. A God, My God, My Abba.
I understand now. Why people drop everything to follow Jesus because the power of the Holy spirit is AWEsome. I am filled with the joy and the peace of God. I hear my Abba and now I will listen.
Going into training camp I was very trapped by my own insecurities. I was all in my head and felt lost. I felt distant from God and I kept beating myself up. Saying things to myself like, “why are you here”, “You don’t have enough bible knowledge to be a mature Christian”, “Should I even go on WR”, “I’m not pretty enough to be friends with these people”, “My teammates don’t want to be friends with me” “I make to many mistakes to be a follower of Christ”… Just destroying myself internally. Then, I called out to God the first night during Worship asking him to help me and sure enough he did that. He radically helped me. I had a mentor and both my squad leaders come up to me three nights in a row, all random and all not knowing of the others. Each one of them spoke the truth of there Lord. God used these people to speak too me. Telling me I am a BEAUTIFUL daughter of God and the lies of the Devil have no room in my head! The first night when I was prayed over and my leader mentioned lies of the devil it occurred to me that I was having a spiritual warfare in my head and as one after the other came over me to pray and said these words the less and less I heard the lies. They would declare with passion, LEAVE SATAN IN THE NAME OF JESUS because we are FIGHTING a battle everyday against Satan.
I started to break the chains to each one of the labels Satan had spat one me. I started to become free through the Holy Spirit. God really spoke to me during each prayer because I didn’t share any information with anyone and yet they knew. They knew because the Holy Spirit knew. You see, God knows us even if we don’t know him. He knows our struggles and he cries when we cry. The biggest thing I learned this past week is God has always been there and will continue to always be there. The only problem is with us, the human race. We don’t hear God, we don’t listen, and we don’t see from God’s perspective. Since we are emotional and impatient we see only abandonment. We only see that God is absent but the truth is, God is always with every single one of us present but it’s our choice if we want to listen.
By the third day God had completely wrecked me. I remember as my leader prayed truth over me I was sobbing. I was sobbing because I knew. I knew what it felt to feel the Holy Spirit. I’m not talking about that little feeling we all get. I’m talking about mind boggling, body falling to the ground kind of feeling. I felt the Holy Spirit in every nerve, every bone, and every fiber in my body. I was overcome with the love, the joy and the peace of Jesus Christ. At this moment I truly surrendered everything to God for the first time in my life. I surrendered every desire, every sin, every self-centered dream. Not going to lie I was heartbroken. I was heartbroken because my life is not mine anymore. That if God asks me to move to India tomorrow that I will leave everything I have and everything I know because God’s plan is SO much bigger than my wants. Sharing the truth of the gospel is SO much bigger than my tiny blimp of a life in God’s master plan but yet just as important if I listen to God.
You see I thought I knew what it meant to follow Jesus, I thought I knew what it meant to Worship our God, I thought I knew what it meant to live by the Holy Spirit…. I thought. Then, I went to the World Race Gap Year Training camp and my whole core was shaken.
I have never thanked God so many times than I have these past 10 days because if things would have gone any differently I wouldn’t have experienced the life-altering experience I just did. GOD IS GOOD YALL! I know it’s hard to see that sometimes when bad things are happening or life isn’t going your way but just know this, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. If I hadn’t had fallen time after time I wouldn’t be where I am today. So, I say, thank you God. Thank you for making me who I am. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a follower of Jesus and most importantly thank you for showing me I am ACCEPTED and I am LOVED by you Lord. You are my God, my abba and I am your daughter.
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Ways YOU can Join me on my Journey:
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Pray. I will need a multitude of prayers ranging from strength, wisdom, clarity, love, joy.. The list goes on. Whatever your desires and feels right, pray.
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Cash and Check. Donating to me personally is still much needed because I have to buy all my gear, supplies, airfare and I will need money on the ground.
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