Because I avoid the willpower dilemma all together by refusing to buy junk food, a huge perk of babysitting is munching on the kid-friendly (aka sugar-coated) snacks in the pantry. After all, there is no better way to fuel up for a 5 hour session of hide-and-go seek than a handful of Dino nuggets 
As I went to inspect this family’s kitchen, my inner fatty’s heart fell: They were hardcore health nuts that didn’t even own a freezer! While I reheated a preplanned dinner of grilled chicken strips and strawberries, the 3-year old boy I was babysitting informed me that at dinner he was allowed to have half of a root beer, which were in a case in the laundry room. That sounded way more on board with my childhood, and after I pranced across the kitchen to fetch the root beer, I placed the half-full glass in front of him. He chugged it faster than I’ve seen college guys down beers in drinking contests and then geared up for another infinite game of hide-and-go seek. Three hours later when his parents returned home, I recounted every detail of what an angel their child had been and how he’d even told me he was only allowed to have half a glass of root beer at dinner. At this development, the mother looked at the little boy whose head was ducked so low that only the reddening tips of his ears were visible. The mother asked, “Did you lie to Mrs. Margot and tell her you could have a root beer?” The kid mumbled a guilty confirmation. The mother prodded, “When are you allowed to have a root beer?,” and the kid confessed, “on Fridays when I bring back a gold star from school.”
As children, we are taught that lying is wrong by getting caught and suffering the consequences. Why is it so much easier for us to lie to ourselves than to others? Is it because the only one capable of catching us red-handed is ourselves?
Lately I realized that I was being dishonest with myself about my relationship with God. I’ve told myself I trust and succumb completely to His plan for my life, but if I am being honest, I still believe that the plans I have for myself are more important. I tell myself that I truly believe that with God anything is possible and that He can exceed our worldly expectations and limitations. In reality, at times I still doubt God’s capabilities and constant presence.
For example, this past weekend I hosted my biggest fundraiser yet for the World Race: a garage/bake/jambalaya dinner sale that took place in the parking lot of my church (pictures from the event below). The date for the fundraiser was set months in advance, but as the number of days before the event decreased, the chance of rain increased. Although I constantly prayed for God to hold off on the rain, I still doubted and asked around for extra canopies to join together as one giant tent that could cover the entire shebang. After not being able to round up enough tents, I just prayed and continued to worry, checking the weather app on my phone every 30 minutes. The rain did not start until 6 PM on Saturday, 2 hours after my fundraiser ended. I also told many of my supporters that my goal for the entire event was to raise $5,000. Every single person told me to set a more realistic goal of $2-3,000. They did this with good intentions (to prevent me from being disappointed), but I lowered my goal to something “more realistic” because I trusted the garage sale experts more than my faith. Through the fundraiser raising a total of $8,500, God revealed to me that doubt has no place in faith and that He can not be bound by Earthly limitations. Although I knew these facts intellectually, there is an immense difference between mentally knowing a something is true and completely accepting that truth with your heart. Do you believe the truths about God enough that if all evidence was stacked against them, you would still place all of your faith in your beliefs?
Because we are not perfect, we will never have a perfect relationship with God. That being said, I have learned that being honest with yourself about your faith is the first step in forming a stronger bond with Him. It’s impossible to improve anything if we stay in the position of blissful ignorance that nothing needs improving. Doubt and worry are normal even in those with the strongest faith, but it isn’t until we face these problem areas within ourselves that we are able to ask our loving, understanding Father for his strength and guidance in our weaknesses.
And the best news? He loves us with a love so immense that we can never fully comprehend it on this earth, and that love persists in the face of any external circumstance or internal obstacles we face. All we must do is pursue Him with an honest heart.
