As I sit here in a hammock in Malawi, I’m spending my time admiring all the beauty around me. The song Mumford and sons comes to mind. It’s one of my favorites and I finally think I know what it means to me. “Keep the earth below my feet, from my sweat my blood runs weak, let me learn from where I have been, keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn.”
This trip has been hard for me since the beginning. I have wanted to go home several times. I’ve been very sick to where I couldn’t move, I’ve injured myself and couldn’t walk. I have had one thing after the next happen to me. I never thought I’d be that person to get sick on this trip or go home, but I have been. Day in and day out I’d ask God why me? What did I do? Which is probably a common thing most people ask God when life sucks. Since we’ve been in Malawi I’ve been very sick for a few days and couldn’t walk to go do ministry. The other day I was finally able to go and I was going to speak at our program which I don’t know why I said I would, I had nothing prepared! I got nervous and I haven’t been getting nervous lately as I spoke in front of groups. I debated back and forth in my head, should I talk on this or on that. I felt like I should speak on something that was personal to me.
As we walked to ministry, which was very beautiful but it was quit the hike and rocky I started to feel achey again. As we got to ministry we exchanged names, testimonies, sang African and American songs and danced a little which is alway so much fun. Then it was my turn to talk, right before I got up I asked God to speak right through me because I still wasn’t sure what I was going to speak on. I randomly opened up a page in my devotional and it was what I was suppose to speak on. After the pastors prayer, I stood up and started to speak. In that moment everything just clicked. Everything I’ve been through all year on this race God used it to minister to this group. I talked about my struggled of just wanting to give up and pack my bags to go home because I just had no more strength. I talked about how I felt useless because I couldn’t go out to ministry. I realized if I didn’t have God for any of this I’d be a complete mess. It was a real moment as I started crying in front of everyone. It was unplanned and because I just opened my mouth God used that moment to move. Every single struggle I’ve been through this year felt like it was worth it because it wasn’t about me anymore, God was able to use it to speak to several people to not give up. I’m not grateful for getting sick but I am grateful I was able to let God use these extremely hard struggles I’ve been going through this year to actually move other people’s hearts.
So sitting here writing about this made me think of the song “below my feet” by Mumford and sons. Through the things that may be very difficult to where you may not see the light in the near future but to keep on going. To focus on what’s ahead. Keeping my eyes to serve and letting my hands to learn.
This is my story this year.
