I made a commitment this year to give up everything to go out to the nations and tell people about Jesus. To give up my family, friends, comfort, and my health. I didn’t know what that meant by giving up everything for The Lord. Heck I’m struggling right now with being sick again and missing my family while going through this constant battle. It’s easy to say trust in The Lord, but when crap hits the fan and nothing seems to go right am I really trusting in The Lord? If I were to be honest with myself the answer would be no because I am not healthy, this is hard, I’m tired, and I ask what am I even doing right now? What am I suppose to be doing?What’s my purpose for being here? Then I think of what makes me happy, what are my passions…this. This is my passion. I do love traveling, I love connecting with people, hearing their stories and listening to their passions and desires.
Yes I’m going through a really hard year, none of the world race has been easy for me. Each month I have learned something hard. I’ve been riding on this emotional roller coaster and I’ve learned being honest with myself and facing the hard times has helped me get through it. This has been a challenging journey for me but it’s also been a really beautiful one as well. Even when I felt completely useless I know God used me and my struggles just that day to minister to others. So is it worth it? Honestly yes, but man it’s hard to really understand suffering for the kingdom. When I’m actually in a season of “suffering” I’d like to just give up because it’s so easy. I’d like to say screw all of this I’m going to go do my own thing now. Then I feel that passion burning in my soul and I know that there is more out there for me.
I have to be honest with myself and I know hard times are going to happen again, this is only the beginning of what’s in store for me. I’m learning to embrace the “suffering” and learn from it. It’s just good to know I am not alone in this. I have to constantly encourage myself with reading the bible. That’s where I’ve found my most peace this year.
God is faithful.
