Coming into training camp for the World Race, I never expected for God to move the way He did. But one thing is for sure, Jesus completely and totally wrecked my life.
When I came to training, I expected to bond with my team, hear some preaching, have praise and worship, and return home. Little did I know that God would radically change my life. Before training camp I was not aware of the fact that over the years I have placed God in a small, confined box. I believed that I had a strong relationship with Christ and that my faith was pretty solid but oh man was I so wrong!!
Over the course of the week, the Lord convicted me of so many things. My Father convicted me that I have limited Him as I did not fully believe that He could do miracles. It has been very difficult for me to trust that God is a healer because I have experienced so much suffering in my life. Yet God completely shattered this false belief. The Lord brought so much healing to my heart, soul, and mind. Jesus demolished my worldview and changed my way of thinking. I had a complete paradigm shift as God redefined and restored my faith and what it means to live for Christ.
Before a service one night, I was experiencing some intense spiritual warfare. I felt as though my relationship with God was missing something and my heart felt hard and burdened. So I began to pray and asked the Holy Spirit to anoint me. I boldly asked God to speak to me and usually I do not hear God in an audible voice. But that night, I heard the voice of the Lord and I heard Him ask me:
Am I enough for you?
I immediately began to weep. It was like a pierce straight through the heart because I know the majority of the time that I do not trust God because I believe He will fail me. But I know this is a complete lie from the adversary. I know my God is faithful and that He is madly in love with me, but when push comes to shove I still act as though He is not enough.
Later that same night during praise and worship, I fell to my eyes and began to repent and cry out to the Lord. Kneeling at the feet of Jesus I felt so overwhelmed with brokenness and gratitude but once I stood up, I began to dance. And I don’t mean like I just moved my feet a little side to side, I mean I DANCED lol I began to move and worship God with every fiber of my being because He deserves to be praised with everything that I have. The Holy Spirit was so incredibly evident and He filled my heart with so much joy and love.
And the best part about that night is that I got married to Jesus!!! The preacher asked if we wanted to become a bride of Christ as a declaration of faith; to bind ourselves to Christ, receive His love, and give Him all of our love in return. When the preacher asked this, the Lord gave me a vision:
I was in a wedding dress, ready to get married, and I was holding the hand of Jesus. As we walked down the aisle together, I became very hesitant and scared. I still was not ready to fully trust Christ. I reluctantly walked down the aisle as fear began to slowly creep in. When we got to the front of the church and were ready to say our vows, I honestly did not think that I could. I was so terrified to say “I do” and let God completely take over my heart. But the Lord gave me the strength as I declared and professed my love. My passionate, non-quenching, undeniable love for Jesus Christ. And now I am officially a bride of Christ! God used the song below to really minister to me so I thought I would share it with you all:
“I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53eAvrknuZA
The next night, our squad all gathered in a room and we began to lay hands on one another and pray. I looked over to my right, and there was a guitar leaning against the wall. I felt the Lord leading me to go play it, but I pushed the thought to the side. That feeling continued to press on me but I just thought that someone else should play it because I did not believe I was good enough. I continued to refuse, but I felt so strongly in my spirit that God wanted me to play. After a few minutes of hesitation, I finally surrendered, picked the guitar up, and played it. At first I was just fingerpicking softly, but as the service went on some incredible things began happening.
One by one people on my team began to stand on a chair, confess their sins, declare the greatness of God, praise Jesus, and surrender their heart. The Holy Spirit was definitely moving and bringing restoration and freedom to my team.
Then I felt God telling to me to stand on the chair, with the guitar, and worship Him. My heart began to race in my chest and pound loudly. But I was unsure and scared to play in front of everyone because I felt ashamed. For so long, I have not viewed the gifts God has given me as gifts at all. Instead I hid, devalued, and suppressed them. But I felt in my spirit that God wanted me to use my gifts to glorify Him and no longer hold back.
Throughout my life I have fought God for so long, and that night I was so tired of fighting. I could not hold back anymore. So I let go. And I began to play. Strumming the guitar with passion and pure love for my Father and praising God for the gifts He has blessed me with.
As I played, I began to sing and I was no longer nervous or ashamed but filled with unwavering peace and confidence from God. I now know that I have been blessed with the gift of music and worship and I need to use it. I know that I am called into greatness and I need to step into the calling the Lord has put on my life.
And the most exciting part about all of this is that this is just the beginning!!! This journey is just starting and I know God has some incredible things in store. Daddy, I love you. I am Yours. Teach me how to follow You and how to fully use the gifts You have blessed me with to bring others closer to You. Thank you Jesus. For everything.
I hope this blog served as an encouragement to you all, but I also wanted to write this to invite you in this ministry. If you would like to stay in touch with me and hear more about what God is doing while I am on the World Race, you can subscribe to receive update alerts on the left hand side of this page.
Also, I still have around $7,000 to raise for the World Race, so I just want to ask for your prayers. If you feel the Lord is leading you to give, then you can click on the “Support Me” link on the left hand side of this page and follow the instructions. I want you to know that I appreciate any amount of donation and I want to thank you so much in advance for reading this blog and for your support. May the Lord bless you abundantly today : D
Isaiah 61: 1-2 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”
