Jesus came to set me free, so how many times do I keep killing Him?
When I asked myself this question, I felt my heart literally shatter into pieces. Over the past few months, the Father has been revealing to me how I constantly choose to live my life in guilt and condemnation rather than allowing Jesus to carry my sins.
I have missed the whole point of the cross. I am sure as some of you read this, the Holy Spirit will convict you that maybe you have too. If I call myself a Christian and a true follower of Jesus Christ, then that means I am set free from the bondage of sin and I am fully redeemed.
Yet the exact opposite has been the theme of my life. I have allowed my past to define me and control me. I have gotten to the point where I just accepted that living in the past was never going to change. I did not think healing would come as freedom seemed more like a distant, untangible dream.
But God has been healing me of these lies that I have believed for so long. I am learning how to embrace Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all who are weary and burneded and I will give you rest."
We read that verse a lot, but what does it really mean to come to Jesus? I believe it means to lay my burdens on Him. To give Jesus Christ the full weight of my sin and walk in freedom. In Christ I am made righteous and I can rest in His grace and love. I don't have to walk in defeat because I am victorious.
So what would life look like if we stopped killing Jesus? What if we really accepted His forgiveness and lived in freedom? What if we refused to allow Satan to rob us anymore? What if we truly walked in victory and allowed the love of God to penetrate our heart and lives?
If we lived life like this, I believe our faith would be unshakeable and the gates of hell would shake. This is what the Lord is calling us to.
And let me tell you… this process is not easy. I hate to burst your bubble, but it is far from easy. I have cried more over these past few weeks than I can even describe. As God roots out the pain and guilt of my past, the more brokenness I feel. But I believe this is what healing looks like. Healing is not some super spiritual experience where I am suddenly, magically healed. It is a continual process of letting God into those deep places and allowing Him to heal.
I must choose to let Jesus carry my sins because I was never meant to carry them in the first place. I must choose to listen to the Father's heart and let His love cover me and make me whole.
I am healed. You are healed. My hope is that this generation no longer continues to kill Jesus over and over again but instead walks in freedom knowing that the blood of Christ sets us free.
IT IS FINISHED.
One of my teammates wrote me this poem from the Lord and every time I read it, I feel healing. I pray the Father uses these words to minister to you, so I leave you with this:
"Some burdens you were not meant to carry on your own, so far from alone. I see you. I see the pain you're walking through, everything you hold on to baby girl. I hear you. I know it seems like you'll never be free, but I took care of this on the cross of calvary. I believe in you. I'm asking you what seems impossible, but I see it done, the battle won. Forgive the past, it's too heavy to bear. Don't carry what I want to wear. My heart aches with yours and I know the tears don't make it feel right. Letting go will cut like a knife but whwat if I promised it can be made right. I'm a restorer, I am a redeemer, my grace is sufficient. Run to me, in my you are free."
