As a child, I was always asking, “Why?”
This is not unusual. Developmentally, all humans go through a period of time where they are questioning everything, especially around ages 3-4 (thanks, ED 201). But here I am at 21, still asking why.
However, it’s not always productive to ask ‘why’, especially when God is involved. I’ve found that sometimes He likes to let you discover the why and give Him the glory in the process, not the product. With that in mind, I’m writing this post…this is for me to process the journey of faith and discovery that God is leading me on through the World Race.
Around the middle of August, I attended the World Race Route Reveal Webinar. I had heard about World Race a few years prior, and have always thought it was an amazing program, one I would be overjoyed to be a part of. At that point in time especially, I was looking for a year’s worth of…something.
So I’m blessed to have an amazing boyfriend…he is talented, handsome, and kind, and loves the Lord with his whole heart. Unfortunately, our five-month age gap means I’ll graduate an entire year before he will, and we don’t want to get married until we’re both out of school. This leaves us with at least a year where we’re still together, but not *together*. So he started looking into grad schools, and I started looking at international and across-the-country opportunities. I wanted to go and make a difference, and I trusted that God would present me with the right way to spend my year glorifying Him.
So back to the webinar. I attended, I got really excited, and I started on my application. About a week later, I submitted it; approximately another week later and I had my interview, and the NEXT DAY I was accepted to the program.
HOLY FREAKING COW.
The trip I had been pining to go on for years became a very real possibility. It was exhilarating…I was suddenly more aware of how good an afternoon it was…it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and then…reality set in.
All of the implications of partaking in World Race hit me like a tidal wave: how will I pay for it? Could I really live away, like…AWAY-away from my family for ELEVEN months? Or Trevor? How would it affect my senior year knowing I won’t be teaching right after? Is God really calling me to this or is it something I just want to do? Are those things different? What if I come back and I’m too different and then my whole life plan is scrapped?
Well, I walked home and locked myself in my room and prayed and read and fasted and all of these questions were answered immediately and in perfect peace.
ha
That would have been great. But God really loves the process of developing faith…of requiring us to keep seeking Him and leaning on Him and waiting on Him, which meant that my questions would be answered, but I asked them more than a month ago, and I’m still waiting on some of the answers. But here are the answers I have, and I know God will keep revealing His plan for me as I continue to seek Him in faith.
How will I pay for it?
Yeah, this was my first thought. World Race is an incredible opportunity with an 18,100 dollar price tag. That’s twice my cost of living for this year, which includes college tuition. YIKES. But that’s what fundraising is for. I’m not expected to pull 18k out of a hat, or even to work triple overtime to make it happen. I have the great joy of trusting that if God wants me to go, He’ll provide, especially through family, friends, friends or friends, and maybe even their friends, too. Also, fundraising is about more than money…it’s the process of raising support, both financially, morally, and spiritually. I’ll be needing people’s prayers more than their money (although the money does make the trip practically possible). What it comes down to is this: if it’s God’s will, it’s God’s bill. If He really wants me to go, He’ll make it happen.
Could I really live away, like…AWAY-away from my family for ELEVEN months?
I think God has been preparing me for this since I moved to school. My family has given me a sense of independence which has, in turn, given me confidence that no matter how far away I am from them or how long, they will always love me and support me, and we will still have the same amazing relationship we do now.
What about my boyfriend?
This question has been more difficult. We are expected to leave our father and mother and join our spouse, becoming as one flesh. It’s natural to leave our parents. I know that Trevor (my boyfriend) isn’t my spouse, that we aren’t one yet. But I know that he is the one that God wants me to spend my life with. I can explain that in a different blog post if you want to know that story. We’ve talked and fought and prayed and received counsel and talked and prayed some more, and what came of that is this: God wants me to go on World Race. God wants me to teach. God wants me to marry Trevor. All of these will happen in God’s timing, not ours. We have to live as we’re called, and right now, he is called to finish school and I am called to go on mission. We believe that God will do amazing work in us in that year that will make us better as individuals and as a couple, and that ultimately, it will give God the glory.
How would it affect my senior year knowing I won’t be teaching right after?
It hasn’t so far in a major way. I decided against a senior recital, since I don’t really need to worry about auditioning or preparing repertoire. I am still giving a lot of my energy to school, because I know that God wants me to teach eventually, and I am determined to be the best teacher I can, because that’s what God wants me to do. The main effect so far has been that God is teaching me how to be really intentional with my time, even my Sabbath days, and the fact that I’m forcing myself to take a Sabbath has been really beneficial to my mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Is God really calling me to this or is it something I just want to do? Are those things different?
Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I used to think that meant that if I spent enough time with God, He would bless me by giving me what I wanted. Now I know that when I delight in the Lord, He gives me what to want. As I become more like Him through getting to know Him, my desires for my life become what He desires for my life. Fortunately, this is a calling that I am excited about, and have been since I was a child. It’s not like Jonah, where God told him to go and he was like, “Do I have to?” I relate more to the story of Abraham, where God told him to go and he was like, “Whatever you say.”
What if I come back and I’m too different and then my whole life plan is scrapped?
I love planning. My birthday present to myself a year and a half ago was an Erin Condren life planner. It allows me to plan down to the hour what I need to do for the week, month, and year. But God has been challenging me in this a lot, because the saying isn’t stepping out in my plan, it’s stepping out in faith. If we knew everything that was to happen before it did, would we really be trusting in God to take care of us? Jeremiah 29:11 says that He knows the plans He has for us, and they’re good. He wouldn’t ask us to do something if it wasn’t going to work for His glory and my faith in Him.
These are just a few of the questions I’ve had to answer since committing to the World Race, and I know that there are more to come. But I have amazing people supporting me and praying for me already, and I have confidence that what I go through in the next two years will be a part of God’s great story, asking ordinary people to do extraordinary things for the sake of His Gospel and Glory.
