So last month in Vietnam I wrote this in a message to a friend about the day I shared in ministry with two teammates and by the end of the day was shocked bc I openly came to a point where I confessed the love that I have for myself and by how amazing God is!
April 7 2015
… Josh Rick and I have been talking about how we all feel like this month will be a BIG month for growth and we are trying to SEE God in all that we do. So yesterday we got to see what growth looked like with gardening. Except it wasn’t normal gardening. First we had to be ready to leave for 7 am second the three of us had to each ride on the back of mopeds for an hour and a half to get to where we were gardening, third it was stinking hot and none of us brought sunblock.. naturally lol. So plenty to complain about…. but we didn’t! We get there and it’s literally like a field and it has random big fruit trees here and there and tons of ditches that (unless your Josh) are not easy to jump. Our job was to rake all the leaves away from the trunk of the tree and the shaded area of the tree bc thats where the roots were. Then we had to pail dirty water out of the ditches to put near the trunk of the tree and then pails of water with liquid fertilizer to all the shaded areas and where the roots were growing. It may not sound like a lot but I promise it was. Plus it was HOT and we didn’t have much water and we were trying to be smart about water take in bc we didn’t want to get dehydrated and we didn’t wanna run out of water. ( We found out later that we did have extra water they had for us though.)We worked our butts off making sure these trees were taken care of and if we didn’t know what to do there were people there to help to make sure the trees got what they needed. We also removed like vines in and around the trees and weeds or whatever growing near as well to protect the tree. We got a break and while sitting there I was thinking over the awesome day we were having. I was working with Josh and Rick was working with this other guy who helped us. The whole day was literally about growth. But it was amazing bc if God cares THAT much to make sure we were there to water and grow those trees and that people were there to help us to make the trees fruitful and to protect them for things that will hinder their growth … how much MORE does he love us!!! Like seriously His love for us is so deep and so vast and he cares about all the details to how we’re feed and the way we grow and when things can hinder our growth, and He takes care of us and gives us ways to grow in all that he has planned for us! Josh and I challenged each other in ways that will continue to help us grow, we got to talk about growth in our team and just have time to be us and see how God is working in and trough us for each other. We all got to help grow these trees that are obviously so important to this woman who needs to make sure that they produce food and she can sell the food for money. We also got to GO out and be His hands and feet and we did all of it, without complaining. We had SO many things we could complain about… but we didn’t. We chose to let God be bigger than the fact that it was hot and we were sunburnt. We chose to let God be bigger than wondering why He brought us all the way here to water trees, or even me letting God be bigger than the cut I got on my leg or the fact that it was difficult for me to jump over the ditches and even though I told Josh it was a bad idea that last time, He insisted and I ended up knee deep in mud. Was I initially upset bc I knew it would happen of course.. but did he need me to tell him I told you so? nope, lol and not even that, Was it really worth getting upset over? I just took a minute let him help me up, let him help wash the mud off and accepted his hand even though I know he doesn’t really like touching lol . I could have gotten upset or let SO many things upset me but I chose to SEE God in everything I did yesterday and It was such a blessing. But not only that the lady asked Josh and I to speak to her son and talk to him about God bc he believes but his girlfriend didn’t. We said sure but I didn’t know at all what I was going to tell this guy that I had never really met and only knew his name. Josh and I tried to get conversation going and it wasn’t working and they left to go get drinks and it was the guy and me and his mom and God totally gave me so many things to say it blew my mind. He made me literally say things that I would have never said to someone I didn’t know but I knew He gave them to me bc this guy received it so well and I could tell that it clicked and he got very into the conversation and his mom was SO pleased. He had this happiness about him too when we were done that I didn’t see before. After all that gardening all day long it was time to get on the mopeds and head home. I then just sat on the back of the moped and thanked God for the strength that he has given me. I told him that today was such a blessing and thanked him for helping me to see him in all that we did and for helping to continually and “never endingly” keep growing Josh and I’s friendship bc its just amazing and SO fruitful. I said thank you for your love for me and for the love that I have for myself” …….. And I stopped… I have NEVER thought that I love myself. Ive never known what that looks like or feels like. I tell myself these things in the mirror and tell myself the truths about what and how God sees me but i never really feel it, but in that moment of heartfelt prayer and meaningful prayer to my father i thanked him for the love i have for myself…… what?! How did that happen? It totally rocked my world and i just started crying bc I never thought that day would come where I would say I loved myself but God has completely changed my heart and I am beyond overjoyed and beyond words to describe how i feel but I know that it is good and yesterday was a HUGE day in my life that I will remember for the rest of my life.
