Warning: I’m about to talk nerdy to you. But before you click that red “x” in the corner of your screen please give the analogy a chance.
I love color. Putting on a pair of bright socks in the morning makes a smile spread across my face, vivid colors of nature give me a greater appreciation for life, and being able to see AND taste the rainbow in a pack of skittles satisfies me like no other. Having full visual capabilities is something that I take for granted on a daily basis. In all honesty it’s something that probably would have never crossed my mind, but in one of my classes right now we’re studying the visual system as a model of nervous system functioning.
Most people who have taken some sort of health class know that the retina is involved with the first stage of visual processing. A lesser known fact about the retina is that it’s actually part of your brain; more specifically, during embryological development it is derived from a portion of the same neural ectoderm that produces the rest of the brain. The retina is also unique because it has fairly simple synaptic organizations that are similar to various regions of the brain. In order to avoid getting into the nitty gritty of it all, just know that the retina is where rod and cone cells are found (aka how we interpret color). Most people who are colorblind have missing or malfunctioning cone cells.
Then there’s the case of hemianopia, which literally translates to “half not see”. It occurs much less frequently than color blindness and can result from brain injury or a birth defect. People who have this visual impairment have a loss of visual field in one or both eyes. They may also see colors and light more dimly. Unlike colorblindness, a person with this condition has perfectly functioning cone cells. Their impairment is a result of a defect of the V1 pathway in the calcarine sulcus.
This is the part where you stop skimming because I’m about to cut to the chase. Being the studious senior that I am, my mind started wandering at this point of the lecture. Please don’t question the way that my mind works or how on God’s green earth I even began to make this comparison because I don’t understand my weirdo brain half of the time. For the sake of this blog, we’re going to just go with it.
These two visual impairments to me metaphorically represent my different stages of Christianity. Although I was raised by two incredible God-fearing parents my early life as a Christian could be called “hemianopic”. That is, I didn’t fully get or appreciate having a relationship with Jesus. I went to church and youth group out of obligation and it was probably apparent to everyone around me that my heart just wasn’t in it. I knew that these things were important and to an extent I cared about doing the right thing and honoring God, but I quickly learned that the two don’t always necessarily have to be synonymous in a secular world; I was “half not seeing” in my faith, if you will.
Eventually my “field of vision” became complete, but still something was missing (aka the cone cells). As I got older I was better able to fully grasp the concept of having a personal relationship with Christ thanks to an embryological development (or a nurturing home with a couple of pretty cool parental units) immersed in His love. But I was living in a world without color. I claimed to believe in God and His word but my actions didn’t always prove it. One of my favorite quotes is, “your life as a Christian should make nonbelievers question their disbelief in God”. At this point in my life however, people who didn’t really know me would have likely had no idea that I considered myself to be a Christian.
Following a series of now not-so-unfortunate events, I found myself desperately searching for a reason to hold on to life. Thankfully I knew where to turn and ended up falling into a world full of the most beautiful colors as a result of a true relationship with an even more beautiful creator.
When people ask me what my plans are after my upcoming graduation I tend to agonize over the fact that I’m not going directly to graduate school. But to be able to answer that I’m bringing a full field of vision, making a dim light bright, or introducing people around the world to a world full of color is pretty darn cool.
It’s hard not to struggle with anxiety when I only have 13 weeks left in a place I’ve learned to call home surrounded by people who have come to mean everything to me. Add in a ridiculous amount of school work and constant talk about “the real world” and you’ve created an equation that has resulted in many a sleepless night for me. Job 23:10 says, “But He knows where I’m going and when He tests me I will come out as pure gold” and has become my safe haven in this hectic, crazy, exciting, scary time in my life. He not only knows where I’m going, but He knew me when I was half-seeing and when I was color blind and believes in me enough to call me to this mission anyway. Jesus knows me, this I love. If that doesn’t bring comfort to an anxious heart, I don’t know what will.
I’m so so SO excited to share that I am a little over HALF WAY funded for the World Race! Thanks to everyone who has supported me so far. I can’t put into words how taken aback I am from the generosity that has poured into my life. Please consider praying for me and my team as we prepare to launch at the end of June! If you’d like to financially support me, you can click on the “support me” tab on the side of this blog.
