You may say I’m a dreamer…
Actually, before the race you probably would have said the opposite. Before the race I was the girl with a plan. The one who had it all together Over the past couple of months, however, Jesus decided to wreck my life and remove all of the plans I had made for myself. The more I surrender to Him, the more He asks me to give.
Heading into the last leg of this journey I have found myself with mixed emotions. One minute I’m super excited to be home with family and friends while the next minute I’m dreading having my feet back on American soil. The thought of going home is actually slightly terrifying, especially because the pressure is on to figure out what exactly it is I will do once I’m back. Before the race my plan was to go back to Kutztown University to get my Master’s in guidance counseling. But now…now I’m a dreamer.
I can already picture myself sitting in class longing to be back in Africa laughing and chasing after orphan kids. Passing by people on the streets and not stopping to talk to them will seem cold hearted now. And working for a paycheck instead of a passion? Forget it.
It wasn’t that I didn’t care as much about things happening in the world 8 months ago, but now I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed one too many people sorting through garbage to find their next meal, one too many kids dropping out of school in order to get a job and make a tiny bit of money, and one too many souls pass away from a preventable disease.
Life isn’t about getting letters after my name, signing up for a wedding registry, or living in a cookie cutter neighborhood anymore. But it’s also not about waiting for God to reveal exactly what He wants from my life either. You see, I’ve realized that whether I decide to be a guidance counselor or nutritionist or public health worker, God is going to use me for His glory. I could decide to be a stay at home mom in America or I could open up an orphanage in Botswana and adopt 10 kids on my own; either way He is going to show up and love me exactly the same as He did yesterday, today, and will every day after.
So yeah my dream is a little uncertain right now, but my shepherd hasn’t changed. And I’ve learned that that’s what really matters. When the time is right, I know I’ll just pick a path and go for it.
Until then, though, your prayers are much appreciated! (:
