***As I began writing this post I realized I am writing as if to a future Racer, or more accurately, to myself about a year ago when my completed World Race application was sitting in a saved tab on my computer for weeks, not so patiently waiting for me to muster up the courage to click submit. But I’ll take it even broader. This is a message for anyone who has ever put God in a box, ignored His voice, rejected that ever familiar tug on your heart, whatever it may look like for you to miss opportunities for the kingdom, on account of your own lack of self confidence.***
In 30 days I will hit the road to Atlanta for Launch, and not return for eleven months. As I casually type that insane sentence, here is an accurate depiction of my brain thinking about packing, supplies/gear I still need to purchase, how to say goodbye to everyone I love, how I’m supposed to live a year without Jimmy John’s, and about a million other things I need to do in order to finally feel “ready”:
But here’s something I can celebrate: the pre-Race journey (“journey” is putting it lightly, see the above gif) is almost over. I can’t speak for how I’ll feel a year from now after the Race, but I can’t understate that fundraising and this season of preparing, stressing, worrying myself sick, (just to name a few), has been probably the most difficult of all.
As challenging as fundraising has been, however, the Lord has made it a thousand times more rewarding. Sitting here, a month out from Launch, I still can’t even begin to imagine all that He will do in my life and the lives of those I will encounter on the Race. But I don’t want to forget all He has done to bring me here in the first place. So I’ll recount the highlights, for which I will surely refer back to countless times while on the Race. Celebrate the goodness and provision of my Father with me, won’t you?
ON SAYING YES//
Taking it back to the very beginning, God certainly struck while the iron was hot in calling me to the Race. I had just returned from a ten week internship with an organization in Jamaica, not even two weeks back home and I found myself pulling up the Gap Year application.
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Did I just say Gap Year?
Yes, you read that correctly. If you’re unfamiliar, World Race Gap Year is a nine month trip to three different countries, more geared toward college students interested in taking a year off school to serve. What I set off for in a month is the World Race, an eleven month long trip to eleven countries.
The Cliffnotes version of my testimony: I have a pretty terrible habit of putting God in a box. I heard him say “World Race,” and my first instinct was to run full steam ahead towards Gap Year for all the wrong reasons. Namely, it’s less money to fundraise and only nine months rather than eleven. I decided which I was “most capable of,” and no surprise, it was the wrong choice.
It came down to AIM staff thankfully actually listening to the Lord and telling me I would be better suited for the full 11n11 Race. I didn’t want to believe it, and considered dropping the Race altogether. I prayed that week for something I selfishly thought wouldn’t happen to give myself an easy out: I wrote down in my journal and asked God to make a complete stranger randomly bring up the Race to me if this is indeed what He wants for me.
A few weeks passed. I thought I was in the clear. Then, I went to a wedding where I literally only knew the bride and the two friends I attended with. While striking up a conversation with one of the bridesmaids, she mentions that she just recently finished the World Race.
Me:
That was the moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that regardless of my own feelings of inadequacy, I could no longer ignore His calling on my heart. That was the moment I sheepishly crawled out of the mouth of my whale and said “yes, Lord.”
ON FUNDRAISING//
Here’s the real deal with fundraising. I would venture to guess that 99.9% of all Racers or long term missionaries begin their support-raising journey secretly and subconsciously hoping they’ll just meet a millionaire on the street who will write a check for their total in full and that’ll be it. Praise God, you really worked up a sweat, well done good and faithful servant, you’re fully funded.
That isn’t quite realistic, sadly. It goes without saying that was definitely my mindset. I kept waiting for the one big thing. An anonymous $10,000 donation, opening an old box in my attic and discovering the ultra-rare Princess Diana Beanie Baby (I have a Princess Diana Beanie Baby, but apparently it’s the wrong one that’s worth nothing. God has a sense of humor let me tell you), my parents to sit me down and tell me I’m actually the secret princess and heir to the throne of Genovia. (Ugh, still dreaming on that one.)
Or perhaps I’d just make my money the old fashioned way. 
Spoiler alert: literally none of that happened. That’s not to say it hasn’t ever or won’t for other Racers (hopefully not the Lexus one), just not to me. God used my fundraising journey (that’s very much so still ongoing, mind you) to show me how He can provide in the little things. Not unlike the feeding of the five thousand, He’s continuously shown me how limitless His resources are. I made roughly $600 off a garage sale I was hoping for $1,000 out of, but I also sold my car for $400 more than expected. I sold $1,000 worth of Threads of Hope bracelets, $500 for my Race, $500 directly to their ministry, when I expected $200-$300 total at most. I connected with hundreds of incredibly loving and generous strangers who became supporters through a Facebook group for a Grey’s Anatomy podcast. I didn’t acquire any monthly supporters, but I have friends and family who literally donate nearly every time I post my blog link on social media. I received $300-$500 donations from supporters I thought would give $50. Let me say it louder for those in the back: He can and will provide TREMENDOUSLY in the little things. Just you wait and see.
ON BELIEVING THE IMPOSSIBLE//
Warning: there are a lot of Christians the following story won’t sit well with. There are a lot of people reading this who will not agree with or believe this can really happen. As someone raised in a pretty small and conservative church, I know as well as anyone there are many different aspects of how my God works that too many folks don’t believe in. But that isn’t enough to keep me from telling it.
As I’m sure you’ve gathered by now, fundraising has been incredibly hard for me. Particularly on the faith side of things. I’ve never done anything in my life even remotely close to raising $18,000 on faith alone. Thus, there’s been a gaping cavity in my faith that stems from my lack of self-confidence. I didn’t believe I can raise $18k, so I didn’t believe God can through me.
In the last few weeks leading up to Training Camp, I was in an especially stressed and anxious headspace. Going to Camp meant no backing out of my funds. Even if I didn’t end up going on the Race, I would have to still cover my total goal for AIM to make up for already booked plane tickets, food and lodging paid in advance, etc. I was sick with worry. God spoke to me in a dream the night before Training Camp and literally said the words: “The World Race is going to happen. I want you to stop worrying about it.”
God speaks in dreams in the Bible, obviously, but we don’t hear about this too casually or too often in 2018. Let alone Him speaking to 21 year old nobodies (that’d be me, howdy!). I didn’t believe it at first. I hear Him and feel His promptings in my every day life, but He has never before spoken to me so clearly. So I tell this particular story with confidence now.
He isn’t ignoring my steps of faith. He isn’t giving me the same reassurances as a year, two years ago, because compared to then I’m crossing oceans when I was previously skipping puddles in terms of leaps of faith.
In any journey of faith, it’s cliche to say He provides. It’s cliche to say He will be with you every step of the way. But I’m here to attest that He will never leave you nor forsake you. You need reassurance? He’ll speak to you in a dream, something He’s never done before. You need peace? He will flood your mind, body, and spirit, and the minds, bodies, and spirits of everyone you know. You need direction? Open your eyes, there’s a neon sign and a guy standing there spinning it. You need to be emotional and feel the weight of it all for a second? Here sis, take His handkerchief.
YOU GET THE HOLY SPIRIT
YOU GET THE HOLY SPIRIT
LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAIRS IT’S THE HOOOOOOOLLLYYYYY SPIIIIIIRRRRIIIIIIITTTT!
This post is insanely long so if you’ve read to the end, good golly I love ya. Last week I reached my $10,000 milestone. I still don’t have words to say thank you, but THANK YOU x A BILLION anyways. I am completely overwhelmed with the joy of the Lord everyday, it seems these days. One. More. Month.
xoxo.
