PVT: all the feels &more

When I was in fifth grade, I had a class assignment to write a short essay about my mom for Mother’s Day. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I remember writing about what she means to me, the simple “mom” things that seemed mundane or small to her, but actually meant the world to me. When she made macaroni and cheese for dinner because she knew it was my favorite, between working and taking care of three crazy kids, the fact that she still had time to make us hot chocolate with whipped cream and red and green sprinkles every snow day growing up.

Our class assignment was part of a district-wide essay contest. One day a few weeks later, my teacher told me my essay won the contest. My parents came with me to a small ceremony, and my essay was printed in the county newspaper. I remember standing next to a podium during the ceremony while my essay was read aloud, and watching my mom cry sitting in the audience.

I’m the youngest of three in my family. My brother is the athletic one in the family and a three on the enneagram, a natural leader, as most first borns are. He was class president in high school, even went on to play college football in his freshman year. My sister has always been the intellect of the family. She took advanced classes all through school, and by no surprise to any of us, is currently in law school. And then there was me. Introverted like my sister, but not nearly as book smart. Outspoken and passionate like my brother, but not nearly as confident. I struggled for many years growing up feeling the weight of my siblings’ shadows before me, that I felt I couldn’t ever live up to. Until I stepped out of those shadows and decided to finally carve my own path.

Winning that essay contest and watching my mom’s reaction was one of the first times I really felt like my parents were proud of me, just me, apart from my siblings. My parents have always been incredibly proud of their children, never shorting us of love or encouragement through every age and stage of our lives. As the youngest in the family, though, there isn’t a lot I’ve done in my life alone, or independently. This particular instance, however, it felt like their pride was just for me, and that was a feeling I will never forget. This was also one of the first times I realized my emotional depth, something I had always been told, and more importantly believed, made me dramatic or difficult to get along with, could be a good thing too. Because I don’t just live life with my brain and my gut instincts like most people do. I feel everything in the world, all the time. Every experience, every situation, good or bad, everything and everyone around me, I feel it all with every part of me. At ten years old I tried to put into words what my mother means to me, and it sparked a passion for writing and emotional creativity within me, something I still carry today at nearly twenty-two years old. 

I’m currently sitting at a Starbucks in Bucharest, Romania, and trying to process everything this past week has been. I just said another goodbye to my parents about an hour ago. This past week was PVT week (Parent Vision Trip), and my parents, along with the parents of eighteen of my squadmates made the journey here to Romania to visit, do ministry alongside us, and experience even just a small glimpse of what the last eight months of our lives have looked like. In my last blog I wrote about all of my many emotions going into this week. Having finished the week, I don’t think I can quite put into words how much it meant to me to have my parents here. But I can tell you there were a lot of tears, from the minute they stepped off the bus.

We did kids ministry this week, hosted a community outreach/evangelism event, and provided eyeglasses, blood pressure and blood sugar checks for the elderly residents of a small village. We finished the week yesterday exploring Bucharest, Romania’s beautiful and historic capital city. I got to watch my parents interact with sweet and wonderful Romanian kids, adults, and seniors, and serve and worship the Lord alongside them this week. Like I said, it’s difficult to put into words how I’m feeling after this week. Mostly thankful. Oh so endlessly thankful for the Lord’s goodness and provision, and for the dear family He has blessed me with.

To my mom and dad, I can’t thank you enough for this past week, a prayer I have been praying for the last eight months and long before, a reality. I am so incredibly thankful you got to experience my heart for missions, and the emotional and spiritual rollercoaster that my life has been on the Race. 

Not a single moment of this journey would have been possible without you. I’m constantly amazed that this life I’m living is real, that I’m really here. In these frequent and emotional moments, I’m reminded that I’ve been given this life as a precious gift from the Lord, and He so specifically chose you both to help me attain it. I can’t thank you enough for all of your support, encouragement, prayer, time, energy, everything you’ve put into making this all happen for me. My world has grown astronomically and changed more than I can even keep track of in the last eight months and will continue to for the three I have ahead of me, but one thing remains constant: you, your love, and your dedication to each other, to our family, and to pursuing the Lord and the path He has for all of us, for the rest of our lives.

I love you so much. See you in August!

PVT essential tracks (get your tissues):

Taylor Swift- The Best Day

Conor Oberst- You Are Your Mother’s Child

Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus- Butterfly Fly Away

Sugarland- Mother

Tim McGraw- My Little Girl