Month one on the World Race is DONE! Don’t ask me how that’s possible, because I’ve been trying and failing to figure that out myself. I am currently at our first debrief on the beautiful island of Caye Caulker, here in Belize! On Monday we will head to Honduras and officially begin month two.
During our time in Belmopan, we had the wonderful opportunity to put on four days of VBS for the local kids in the neighborhood. Needless to say, it was already challenging to bridge the language and cultural barriers, plus adding in trying to plan stories and messages for an age divide of kids as young as 2-3 years old, all the way up to 14-15, made it even more difficult. I headed up our storytelling team and selected our bible stories for each day. With such a broad spectrum of ages we had each day, it was difficult to pick a story that would universally click and be understood. I asked the Lord for a particular story these kids needed to hear, and on the second day of VBS He pointed me towards Jonah and the Whale. I’ve heard this story my entire life. Even if you aren’t a believer or have never set foot in a church in your life, odds are this may be the one bible story you’ve at least heard of. In short: the Lord called Jonah to go and preach His name to the people of Nineveh, but Jonah was disobedient, so the Lord sends a giant fish to swallow him.
In acting this story out for the kids, I felt the Lord speaking to me that I am Jonah. But how could I be Jonah? I’m here on the Race, aren’t I? But for the first time in the hundreds of times I’ve heard this story, it occurred to me that maybe Jonah ran, but not because He was a one-dimensional character who simply didn’t care for the people of Nineveh. Isn’t it possible that He cared so much, too much even, that He knew the gravity of their needs and the task at hand, and felt overwhelmingly inadequate? Isn’t it possible that Jonah’s flaw was not of faith or love for the Lord, but instead a lack of confidence or misplace of identity?
At the end of every month, I’ve decided to ask the Lord for a word to describe my time in each country. For the month of Belize, He has given me the word surrender.
In all honesty, it should be surrendering, because this is something that I’m very much so still learning to do and struggling with. (Hey, remember when I decided to be honest in my blogging journey?)
So what am I surrendering, or more accurately, still trying to surrender? In other words, what am I leaving behind here in Belize? I’m leaving behind fear. Fear of rejection and being vulnerable with my teammates. Fear of disappointment. Fear of not being good enough. Fear that I’m too broken myself, that I’m not cut out for this “missionary” life. So I’m surrendering lies and feelings of inadequacy. I’m surrendering the Jonah hat I wear that puts up walls and begs to go anywhere but Nineveh. I’m surrendering my flight instincts that send me running for the hills at the first signs of conflict or pain. I’m surrendering me.
I’m so thankful that even though I am literally typing this on an island, less than half a mile from the ocean and surely plenty of fish large enough to swallow me, the Lord allowed me to learn this in my own time, no belly of the whale needed. Further proof I wouldn’t have made it very far in biblical times.
Please continue to pray for me and my squad as we travel to Honduras! As we are all hearing in the news these days in the US, this is a country hurting greatly right now and one that is in need of so much light and love. In a nation where the hurt feels so big and untouchable by someone as small as me, if all I’m able to do is put a smile on the face of a child or provide an ear to listen for a woman in need, that is more than enough for my Father to move mountains with down the road. That’s my heart going into month 2 and for that I’m thankful.//
On repeat this month (a glimpse into the mind of an enneagram type 4):
Danny O’Callaghan – Nineveh
George Ezra – Shotgun
Arcade Fire – Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)
Hillsong United – Street Called Mercy (Live)
Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper – Shallow
