I’ll Be Home For Christmas has been on repeat the last few days, as Christmas draws near and my homesickness only grows. I’ve never spent a Christmas away from my family, let alone not spoken to them for a month leading up to it. In my last few posts I’ve mentioned that last month in Honduras I began a fast from my life back home. This basically looked like not talking to any of my friends or family for a month. The good news is that I only have a week left! And the even better news is that I’ll be home for Christmas!!
No, not physically home in the States. (Sorry, everyone.) Instead, I get to experience a new kind of “home for Christmas.”
Our ministry this month in San Salvador, El Salvador is partnering with a wonderful organization called Sus Hijos (His children). Sus Hijos works in several different orphanages all around the city of San Salvador. Our days are spent battling the holiday traffic as we travel all around the city throwing Christmas parties, sharing testimonies and bible stories, and spending time visiting and playing futbol with the children at each different orphanage, and with the spiritual directors for Sus Hijos, Erick and Stanley.
After taking a long bus ride to El Salvador from Honduras and before arriving at our ministry home, we had a few days of “mini debrief” here in San Salvador as a squad to process last month and prepare ourselves for what the Lord has in store for month three. During our mini debrief, I asked the Lord for a word to describe our month, a word for me to focus on and seek to grow in. I’ve done this every month thus far, but I’ve usually received a word towards the end of our time with each ministry. As in a word to describe what has already happened, to sum up the month and ministry. This time, the Lord gave me a word in my first full day in El Salvador, before we even knew what our ministry would be. He gave me the word FATHER.
At first, in all my feelings of homesickness, I took this word to mean I will need a Father this month. Then, just this past Sunday night, our team was invited to a bible study for some of the teenagers in Sus Hijos’ program that are transitioning out of orphanages and into colleges, jobs, or their young adult lives. Erick, our Uber driver for the month as well as the spiritual director for Sus Hijos, gave a message on the parable of the prodigal son, and basically encouraged the kids to come home to the Father for Christmas this year. Sitting there listening to Erick’s message, I realized in all my years on this earth, in all my Christmases of celebrating the birth of Jesus, of worshipping and thanking the Lord, I’ve never truly come home to Him for Christmas myself.
In the States, we almost idolize the idea of “home for Christmas.” Even in Christian circles, Christmas can often be more about the love of our families and loved ones, than it is about the love of the Father, both for the birth of His son and for us. But the true joy of the season is that no matter where or how we’ve walked the past 364 days of the year, the Father is waiting with open arms for His beloved child to arrive, home for the holidays at last.
I’ll admit that this month’s ministry is extremely difficult. We’re encountering hundreds of kids each week, with stories, pain, and struggles I can only imagine what it’s like to walk through. My word for the month is Father, as I am meeting and hugging so many different children and teenagers every week who have never met or known their fathers or families, and far too many more who have been abandoned, unwanted, or rejected by their fathers and families. I’m constantly asking myself how it’s fair. How this world can be so broken and so starkly contrasted that I somehow won the genetic lottery and have such a loving, supportive family, and a privileged life in the States just waiting for me to return to next year.
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have faith. I know and believe that the Father is still good. That in the brokenness, there is hope. That in the crying, there is still laughter. That in the pain, there is healing to be found. That He exists as a Father, because of and for the fatherless. I’m learning that in these moments where I am hearing the stories of these children, learning their names and taking mental pictures of their beautiful faces, this is the time that I, little ‘ole Mal, take a back seat. This is where He takes over, where I am literally just a vessel and if I’m lucky, maybe He will give me the words or the action these children are craving to get a glimpse of Him.
In the States, we don’t necessarily need to come home for Christmas. We have presents, family, friends, holiday traditions, busyness, and about a million other things to keep us going into the New Year. But, what would it look like for you to truly come home to the Father this year? To choose to be dependent on Him instead of the things of this world, not because you’ve hit rock bottom and you’re out of options, but because He’s your Father and you simply love Him that much?
No, I won’t be home in Memphis and Louisville with my family and friends this Christmas. My Christmas in El Salvador isn’t exactly what I want. But, somehow, it’s better than every other Christmas I’ve experienced, because I’m leaning into the love of my Father, learning what true dependence looks like. I’ve finally accepted His invitation to come home for Christmas.
