I launch on the World Race in EIGHT days!!! My brain is all over the place. But this week, specifically, it’s focused on a lot of hard goodbyes.
Lately, in preparing to leave for a year, I’ve been thinking a lot about my idea of home. I remember my mom telling me when I first moved to Memphis, TN three years ago that one day I would come back to Louisville, KY to visit and feel like a stranger. I didn’t believe her at the time, how could I go home to the place I was born and raised, the only place I’d ever lived or known in my life and feel like I no longer belonged? It took a few years, but eventually I understood what she meant.
Being in Louisville or Kentucky doesn’t necessarily make me feel like a stranger now, but it does just feel like an increasingly distant chapter of my life that has now closed. Louisville isn’t my home, but Memphis isn’t either. Up until I was eighteen, virtually my entire life existed within just a few miles radius in Louisville. That meant that “home” for me was a place. But when I moved with my parents to Memphis, leaving behind the rest of my family and friends, my home became the people in my life. Home was wherever we could all be together.
Now going into the Race, it’s the thought of saying goodbye to and missing out on eleven months of the lives of my “home” people that turns me into a puddle of tears, rather than leaving behind the familiarity of my home city or country.
In my Q&A post last week, I should have included everyone’s new favorite question for me: which is what my tattoo means. I have the number 700 on my wrist, and no it isn’t for The 700 Club. In one of my favorite Mat Kearney songs there’s a line that says “700 places, 700 faces more”. This line speaks volumes to me and represents my evolved understanding of home. Because I don’t just have one home anymore. I’ve lived in Louisville, Memphis, Jamaica for a summer, soon to be eleven more countries and places to add, and probably even more in the grand scheme of the rest of my life.
A few weeks ago, one of my squad’s coaches challenged each of us to come up with a word beginning with “p” (because we’re P squad!) that we will pursue and seek to grow in during the Race. I asked the Lord to reveal a word to me, and to my surprise, but what already fit for me, He said “place”. This is what I shared with my squad:
My word is PLACE.
All throughout training camp the Lord kept placing the story of Mephibosheth on my heart. I finally understood that He was showing me how I see myself.
“‘Don’t be frightened,’ said David. ‘I’d like to do something special for you in memory of your father Jonathan. To begin with, I’m returning to you all the properties of your grandfather Saul. Furthermore, from now on you’ll take all your meals at my table.’
Shuffling and stammering, not looking him in the eye, Mephibosheth said, ‘Who am I that you pay attention to a stray dog like me?'” 2 Samuel 9:7-8 (MSG)
Insecurity has ruled my life for as long as I can remember. I didn’t believe I was worthy of any calling the Lord put on my heart, including the Race. I would lead or show anyone the way to the King’s table, but I would deny myself a place to sit.
“‘Then Ziba said to the king, ‘Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.’ So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons.
Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.” 2 Samuel 9:11-13 (NIV)
I’m unworthy, but I still have a place at the King’s table. I get to sit, a cripple at His side for the rest of my life. The Lord has given me such a tender heart for those like me who deny themselves a place.
Check out this song which was inspired by the beautiful story of Mephibosheth!
I am so eager to see how the Lord continues to grow my definition of “home” in my year ahead.
700 places, 700 faces more.//
I am now just $6,905 away from being fully funded!!! Seeing my total raised so far gives me goosebumps literally every time. THANK YOU so much to every single soul who has given whatever they’re able to support me thus far. I cannot believe how close we are, so with just eight days left until I launch, I ask that you continue to pray for me, continue to spread the word and share my blog and my stories, and partner with me in getting to my first country of Belize so very soon! Sending so much love and gratitude to every pair of eyes reading this post. <3
