You know when you’re a kid, and you wish with all of your heart that you were an adult? When you face a challenge, you desperately want to accomplish it yourself- who needs parents anyways? I remember a particular time during my childhood when, everyday, getting dressed was a battle with my poor, patient, and wonderful mother. I was determined to dress myself, but as my sweet mom knew so well, I was unable to pick out appropriate outfits for the day ahead. Months of fighting later, we arrived at a compromise: she would pick out three outfits that I could choose from. At the time, I absolutely abhorred having my wardrobe dictated by someone else, but looking back at my wardrobe choices, I had not a single clue what I was doing fashion-wise (or regarding anything else for that matter).
I’m five years old all over again, and I hate asking people for help. I want to do it all on my own, and it is so hard being vulnerable. There is no such thing as a money tree, and unfortunately there is no reality of $16,000 being present already in my wallet. Therefore, I need help. And sadly, although I feel like I can do it on my own, I know that I can’t.
This fundraising process has been a lot more emotionally charged than I originally thought. I truly do believe that God wants His people to fundraise and to ask the church for help and prayer when they are about to leave for the mission field, as it brings the body of Christ together and unites them behind a common cause for His ultimate glory. But it’s so freaking difficult to not do things on your own. And that’s exactly where He wants me- desperate, weak, and fully leaning on His immense power and might that can move mountains and raise people from the dead.
Honestly, how absurd is it for me to assume that He will not provide for me when we just celebrated Easter (the happiest celebration of the greatest gift to ever hit planet earth) just a few weeks ago? He saved me from my sins and raised His son from the dead- excuse me while I doubt that He will provide for my World Race. Really? It’s funny- whenever I read Exodus, I so often think: “how silly are those Israelites! God rescued them from Egypt and parted the Red Sea, and then they immediately turn around, doubt Him, and create man-made idols to replace the God that sent plagues on Egypt.” Yet, I can relate to them more than I’d like to admit- one day, I’m saying how grateful I am for His almighty work in my life, and the next I’m berating Him for never coming through for me. I’m on par emotionally with a 5 year old.
About three weeks ago, I hosted a $500 in 5 days campaign. The week was an emotional roller-coaster that left me reeling, tearful, and ever-so grateful to my wonderful friends. I ended up raising $500 an hour after the campaign officially ended- within God’s timing and not my own (I KNOW God has a sense of humor). I was so doubtful that I would raise any money, and so many beautiful people gave (many of whom surprised me and made my whole month). I honestly cannot say how much I appreciate their generosity. And after being so grateful for their generosity, a day later I was freaking out that I wouldn’t raise any more and would be ultimately begging my parents to help fund me for the race (something I honestly don’t want to do at all). How quickly I forget God’s provision and how much people want to partner with me!
After I was freaking out, I decided to take a break from worrying about fundraising. I did not check my World Race funds page, nor did I talk about it with friends or family. I just left it. I checked it a few days later, and I had moved from a bit over $2,000 to over $5,000. You’ve gotta laugh- it’s pretty ridiculous how awesome God is in comparison to us. When I am weak, He is so strong. I just have to admit that I can’t do it on my own and embrace my weakness before I can see how strong He is. It is not of my own power, but rather because of His great provision, that I will be fundraised for the World Race and (more importantly) will have everlasting salvation- not because I’ve earned it, but because He has freely given it to me.
The Lord is so gracious to keep bringing me back to Him. Why? I don’t have the slightest clue. I am consistently in awe of His gracious forgiveness, kindness, and compassion, and I feel that I have already grown immensely through this fundraising process. It is not easy, but I am over 30% fundraised after only starting a bit over a month ago- how cool is that?! I’ve raised over $5,000, and while I still have a ways to go, I am surprised and elated at how much people have supported me thus far. I can barely believe it, and I need to trust God through every step of the way (something I have to remind myself on a daily basis). It’s not a one-time decision, but is rather a constant self-reminder to trust in a God that knows His plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and loves me with an undying, irrational love.
