I expected to learn many things when I came on the World Race. I anticipated learning about new cultures, experiencing new adventures, picking up new talents or abilities, growing closer to the heart of God, and many more. What I honestly didn’t expect (for myself personally) was to learn about leadership.
I have never considered myself a leader. Honestly, I have never craved the responsibility of directing others nor have I wanted the role of representing my group/team/brigade as their leader, spokesperson, and advocate. When I came on the World Race, I knew that one of their main goals for their racers was to grow them in the area of leadership. I figured that was fine and dandy for everyone else; as for me, I just wanted to be a regular racer. Neck down, I was ready to follow.
God had a different idea. I knew that, coming on the World Race, there were a lot of opportunities to be a leader. One of the big ones was being a team leader- a position that required one to lead 5-6 other individuals, establish communication between hosts, figure out logistical details of travel, food, and schedule, and overall take responsibility for the cohesion of the group spiritually, emotionally, and within communication (aka- the last job in the world I wanted). Even as the possibility was mentioned at Training Camp for me to be a Team Leader, I quickly made it clear that I did NOT want the position, and since so many others did, they could have it without hearing any grumbling from me.
But that’s when God intervened. For the first 4 months of the World Race, I was a regular racer. But upon our debrief in Nepal, our squad leaders pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to be a Team Leader. My first response: “You’re kidding, right?” It was still the last position I wanted, but I knew that God was calling me into it. There was no clear guideline on “This is how you are an effective Team Leader,” I had no say in who I would be leading on my team, and there was no way I had any clue what I was really doing. As always, that’s exactly where God wanted me.
I will be finishing my Race as a Team Leader, and realizing that I will have been a Team Leader for the majority of my Race (7 out of the 11 months), I also recognize how much my conception of leadership has changed. When I was asked to be a Team Leader, I instantly balked; I am NOT a “together” person, I am not Type-A, I am not timely (and am often one of the latest people to arrive at any given destination), I am NOT a morning person, I do not enjoy being the center of attention, and I am nowhere near perfect. Under no circumstances do I qualify to be a leader; I barely qualify to follow.
But as I’ve learned through these past few months, the biggest part of being a leader is not being the one who has it all in order; it’s about being the first to admit that I am a mess and so inadequate that only God can help me. It’s about growing in humility, continually praying against my ever-present pride, and being the first to acknowledge that I am wrong and am in desperate need of forgiveness. It’s about being the one to say (as Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15)“I am the chief sinner,” “I’m sorry,” and “I am not perfect.” Prior to the Race, I always thought that the leader had to have things put together- that she was rarely wrong, that she always made the wisest decisions, and that she was bold and unapologetic in her actions. And while leaders do need to be organized and bold and wise, they also need to recognize when they fall short.
Being a leader means leading in vulnerability, openness, and honesty. It means showing my weaknesses, not hiding them, and being openly human- imperfect, wounded, and in need of God’s redemption and continual sanctification. It often means taking more blame that I desire to claim (sometimes more than I deserve) because being a true leader means being the first to admit that I messed up.
As I have learned about leadership, it has not necessarily gotten any easier. Instead, it has hit my pride over and over again and humbled me more times than I can count. Anytime I think I might have figured it out, I am hit with how inadequate I am- but God is sufficient.
The girls on my team have been amazing and have encouraged me constantly, my hosts have uplifted me and affirmed me numerous times, and God has never left my side. I have grown in more ways than I bargained for, and I can honestly say that (as much as I didn’t want it) I wouldn’t have traded this leadership experience for the world. I have not grown more assured in my decisions or myself; I have instead gained more humility (never a fun experience) and have grown more in my confidence in the Lord and His work in and through me. Thank the Lord for grace, praise God that He knows better than I what is best for others and myself, and thank God that He is truly FAITHFUL and deserving of all the trust and glory.
