life is short… make it count. live life to the fullest. no regrets. live today like it’s your last. never take tomorrow for granted because one day there won’t be one. here one day, gone the next.
these are phrases we commonly hear, but how often do we truly live by them?
i for one would rather not spend my time thinking about death or the short amount of time that we have here on earth. however, the shortness of our earthly lives seems to be a reoccurring topic at the moment, morbid as it may be.
our 3rd day here in sikaria, india, we took a tour of GEMS ministry campus where we are living and serving for the month. as part of the tour, we visited the campus hospital, where patients are received not only from the campus but also from the surrounding areas. when we came to the intensive care unit, the director who was leading the tour shared the patients’ diagnoses and status. i immediately felt called to spend time with the patients at the hospital, praying and sitting (even if the only thing they understand is my smile.) a simple smile seems enough to lift the spirits of these patients. the hospital conditions would make you turn on your heels at the door. no wall décor, tv’s, music, or anything to create a minutely pleasant environment. no couches, chairs, or privacy for the families– if family members stay overnight, they curl up & sleep on the cement floor beside the patient’s bed. all of the patients are in one room, with only one movable curtain for necessity. no air conditioning– doors open to the outside, mosquitoes & flies in abundance. no cafeteria or canteen– family members use the outdoor fire pit & well to prepare food for themselves & their patient. little concern for a sterile environment & apparently no inspection codes.
so, just picture an evening visit to the icu facility… a 20’ x 20’ room, 5 patients (cancer, malaria, meningitis, etc.), family members (including babies and toddlers) sprawled out on the floor beside the hospital beds (barefoot, possibly eating a meal they prepared outside), bugs swarming around, sweat-drenched clothes.
during our hospital tour, i was especially drawn to shubham kumar, a 15 year old boy with lung cancer, and i knew the lord wanted me to spend time with him. the director told us how the cancer began in his leg, resulting in an amputation a few months back, and had returned in the lungs. his prognosis was not good… only about 3 weeks to live. his parents did not want him to know, so the doctors told him it was only an infection.
i returned the next day, finding shubham kumar sitting outside the icu room with his mother and asked the doctor to translate for me. i asked shubham if it would be ok for my team mates and i to visit him. i told him we could possibly bring a movie on my laptop to watch with him or maybe some music. he didn’t seem very interested. after i awkwardly walked inside the hospital, feeling a little rejected and discouraged, the doctor informed me that shubham did in fact understand english. so, as the director was explaining his diagnosis during our tour, shubham came to know of his actual condition and not-so-promising future. the doctor said shubham had been up all night crying. can you imagine being that young and hearing that you only have a few weeks to live (as someone talks about you “behind your back” blatantly in front of your face?) i was horrified and distraught, but i wasn’t going to give up hope. i returned the next day with some encouraging bible verses and asked if i could pray with him. he was much more relaxed and allowed me to sit at his bedside and call out to god for healing. the next day, kate (teammate) and i returned to pray for him again. this time he was in much better spirits and we sat with him for a while as he slowly but surely opened up a bit and humored us with a little small talk. while it is most unfortunate that he had to learn of his condition the way he did, we were relieved that his fluency in english allowed us to communicate with him. every day or two, kate and i would return to spend time at shubham kumar’s bedside. he started to open up more and more each time. he even took pictures with us on his cell phone. we became his friends. with the promises and love of the lord in our hearts, we were able to bring hope and joy to a sick & discouraged boy.
after a short trip into town last monday, we arrived back in the evening. shubham had been on my mind since I had last seen him two nights earlier, and i was contemplating whether to squeeze in a visit before dinner. about that time we received a knock at the door. one of the GEMS staff had come to inform us that shubham kumar had “expired” and they would be removing the body soon if we wanted to see him one last time.
the outside corridor was crowded with people: GEMS staff, family members, and curious bystanders. i saw shubham’s father first, and couldn’t stop myself from clutching him in a hug, quite socially unacceptable it seemed. he explained that his lungs had collapsed and he stopped breathing– such a seemingly unnecessary cause of death in a western hospital, but the poor conditions and lack of equipment here makes a treatable situation more serious.
we continued inside, where a sheet was pulled back for us to say our goodbyes. just 48 hours earlier shubham was sitting up, eating a banana, telling us he hoped he felt well enough to make it to church for our offertory performance the following morning. now only his earthly shell remained. my heart broke for the nurse who had become so close to him, kissing his forehead as she wept over this tragic loss. his mother sat in the opposite corner of the room, being comforted by a circle of women as she stared blankly into space. i took her hands and told her we would be praying for her, as tears streamed down my face. again, apparently inappropriate—i was scolded by the nurse for crying in front of the mother. we sat with the women until shortly thereafter the men came in to carry the body out to the ambulance on a stretcher. it was heart-wrenching to watch shubham’s mother reach out for her son as he was carried away under a tattered white sheet.
the victory in this situation is that shubham & his parents came to know the lord at GEMS hospital. their entire family and all of their friends are Hindu, but they came to have a relationship with Jesus over the past few months. shubham’s death was not in vain, and i hope his parents will experience continued growth in their faith & share it with others.
the pain of losing those we love is likely the most difficult challenge we face as humans. and yet, God’s sacrifice & loss of his most perfect son provides us with the gift of life eternally. no matter how many days we have left on this earth, no matter how many days we have to live without a family member, our time here is limited. we get to spend eternity with our creator, the one who loves us more than any family member ever could, if we so choose. the loss of shubham reminded me of the urgency to share the need for god with the people i love, so that no matter how much time i have with them on earth, i can be assured that i will have the rest of forever with them in heaven.
as americans, many of us are raised as lukewarm Christians. we go to church on Sunday (or for many of us Christmas & Easter Sunday). we grow up learning about the rules and expectations of a christian life, rather than learning of the relationship that our creator desperately wants to have with us. we feel judgment and guilt, which for many of us tends to turn us away from religion.
we pray when there is a crisis at hand, rather than talking to god all throughout the day. we ask god for things when we have nowhere else to turn, rather than praising him constantly with our hearts, words, thoughts & actions for the many blessings we overlook. when things are good & we are content, we often forget that we still need jesus in our everyday lives.
our creator made us because he has a deep desire for us to love him, & he has created us so that our deepest desire is to have an intimately close relationship with him. many of us try to fill the empty places of our heart with things of the world: relationships, drugs & alcohol, food, shopping, & countless other things. until we realize that the only thing that will satisfy is a deep relationship with god, we will continue to be unfulfilled. every time we feel alone, sad, frustrated, angry, etc. we should take a moment to ask god for help. he knows us better than anyone else; his peace and love are the only things that can successfully change us and give us the peace we long for in these moments. and i believe that we have to expectantly ask him for these things in order to receive them.
each day i realize how much i desire more of jesus. i am devotedly praying that he take the parts of me that bring pain and discontentment to my life: my anger, resentments, need for control, ego, vanity, body-image issues, intimacy issues, need for validation and acceptance, desire to please others, etc. i am asking that he replace all of these things with his qualities & his love, so that i can begin to love myself and those around me as he loves us. even in moments when i doubt god & have little to no faith, it is the continued seeking of him that he desires. there are days when i question god and his plans, but on those days i continue to ask him for strengthened faith & for him to let me feel his closeness. it is ok to ask god to show up for you. he would rather have us talk to him with question and uncertainty than to ignore him. he would rather us ask him to reveal himself to us and show us more of who he is, than for us to rely on ourselves or someone else to find the answers.
it’s all about a relationship. we should spend time in the bible because it speaks truth to us and shows us who god is. we should spend time talking to god because he most desires a relationship with us. even when it feels like i’m talking to thin air & god is millions of miles away (or maybe even non-existent) my willingness to cry out for him is what matters.
it is a lifelong process, and we all stumble daily. i hope these words will encourage & not overwhelm. i am speaking to myself as much as anyone. when i am faced with death i tend to question god’s plan, but we do not have the ability to fathom the plans or ways of god. someone told me that when god takes someone, it simply means their job on earth is finished & god has taken them to live in bliss with him.
i hope that when my time comes i have done a good job here on earth. we only have a short time, and i’m praying that i will make it count & fulfill the lord’s plans for me rather than thinking i have a better plan.
last week a devotion was shared on 1 Peter 1:24-2:3. it really spoke to me.
“All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field, the grass withers and the flowers fall… therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, eny, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation…”
· our earthly lives only last for a short season, so spend it preparing for the real life that is to come
· find the things in your life that are holding you back from god & ask him to get rid of them
· we should CRAVE god, his word, and a relationship with him. if i don’t, i should be asking him to give me this craving! it’s ok to admit a lack of desire & ask for change!
