For the past couple of weeks, I have stared at my computer screen, watching, as the blinking cursor quietly mocks me with no words to type. I’ve typed, deleted, and retyped sentences and paragraphs, trying to paint a pretty picture of how great and faithful the Father is. I am not the greatest at writing or at coming up with awe inspiring syntax to pull the reader in and take one on an adventure with picture perfect words. The perfectionist in me is bursting into a hot frustrated mess. I may not be able to deliver life changing blogs, but I do promise to be vulnerable and real about what I know God is doing in my life. It’s hard, its’ messy, but man, oh man is it beautiful.
Whenever I was younger I had a admirable child like faith that I aspire for now. I trusted the Lord wholeheartedly. I wanted others to know how much they were loved by Him, so I wasn’t afraid to use the school bus seats as altars to lead my friends to Jesus. Somewhere around Junior High…I hit that awkward stage, and EVERYTHING changed. I suddenly became aware of myself and what others thought of me. Fear crept in like a thief in the night, and I became painfully shy. No one could talk to me without me having a minor panic attack. Shortness of breath, tightening of my chest, temperature rising to my face, sweaty palms panic attack! Any words that may have come to mind would be gone from the overwhelming paralyzing fear.
Since then, I have continued to live my life in fear. Fear of being myself, fear of what others think, fear of being unloved, fear of being alone, fear of not meeting my own expectations as well as others, fear of not having purpose/gifts/talents, fear of talking, fear of my thoughts/emotions, fear of making mistakes, fear of being uncomfortable, fear of not being good enough. Just a whole lot of yucky-yucky fear. I have spent the majority of my life missing out on what God has for me, because of fear… But beneath all that fear was a roaring lioness dying to come out. Beneath all that fear was something telling me that I was created for so much more than how I felt or what I thought about myself. Beneath all that fear is a calling that God wants to fulfill.
Hello, my name is Mallorie Ramsey, I am a redeemed daughter of the King of Kings, I no longer partner with fear, and God has called me to do the World Race. It’s honestly been a long time coming. Two years ago I was on a mission’s trip to Thailand when I first heard about the World Race. I remember thinking the World Race sounded like it would be challenging and fun, but something that I would never do, because I was afraid, and there was safety living at home with my parents (sad, I know). I am probably the most home-body person you will ever meet, yet I have this burning passion in my heart and soul to take Jesus to those who have never heard of his love and goodness. I have this urgency to GO and BE the hands and feet of the Father.
As I sit here on a sunny Saturday afternoon, I smile, as I realize how much God is restoring the old fearful Mallorie into a new and free Mallorie. Please be patient with me, as I feel like a naked turtle who has jumped out of the safety his shell. I’m still learning things about myself, after years of hiding underneath the lie that people wouldn’t like me. God’s been teaching me that it’s okay to be myself. It is okay to be unapologetically, unashamedly Mallorie Nicole Ramsey. Because God has a Mallorie sized purpose that only I can fill. God wants to use me. And He wants to use you too. Even though I may still have challenges, I know it is not about me, it’s about His sovereignty, and it’s about the kingdom.
The amazing truth is, it doesn’t matter where you come from, what you’ve done, what you’re fearful of, who you think you are, or who others say you are, God calls you His own. He calls you His beloved. You are a child of God. He is a good, good father who paints beauty from our ashes and He turns our mourning into dancing and our sorrow into joy. He takes what the enemy meant for evil and he turns it into something good.
Genesis 50:20 (NIV)– You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives
1 John 3:1-2 (ESV)– See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
Not only does God call us His own, but He also gives us purpose. He reaches out his hand and invites us to walk with him in a sweet relationship that involves freedom, It involves unimaginably great plans, and it involves life and life abundantly. We are made in the image of our Abba, and we each have a God-given purpose placed inside of us that only we can fulfill. It is time we set aside our fears, our baggage, our past sins, our unhealthy relationships, our inadequacies, and walk in the identity that he has called us to. God doesn’t call us to live safe, comfortable, bound up, or fearful lives. He calls us to live with abandonment and to trust in him without reservation. Living for Jesus is supposed to look risky and crazy and FUN! Sometimes it’s hard, it may get messy, but man, oh man is it beautiful.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)– For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
John 10:10 (ESV)– The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
