A couple of weeks ago I was at the park walking around and I saw a daddy on his knees holding his crying little girl, comforting and soothing her. Through her heaving sobs and broken heart, the little girl was telling her daddy how she had tripped and fell, hurting her hands and scraping her knees. Her daddy held her gently as she continued to sob. He didn’t let go, and neither did she. He spoke tenderly to her, as he stroked her wild blonde hair.
As I watched this, I felt Daddy God speak to me and say, “When you stumble and fall, I will be there to hold you, to comfort you, and to speak to you tenderly. I will not let you go, nor will I leave you alone to fix your own boo-boos, but will kiss them and hold you until you are healed again.”
I needed this reassurance that when I stumble, God doesn’t look at me in disgust and expect me to fix things on my own. In fact, He wants to kiss our wounds and make them better. He will fight us for the privilege. We too often see that as a source for more wounding. God doesn’t leave us when we feel down, hopeless, or desperate. When we are in a dark place, when we stumble and fall, God crawls into the darkness with us, He meets us where we are at, and he holds us until hope begins stirring in our souls. Our hope is not based on how things are looking, past experiences or circumstances aligning, our hope is based on the person and ability of Jesus.
Recently I have gone through a series of events that has unfortunately revealed just how hard I have been running away from God and the life he has planned for me. I’ve been stumbling and falling all over the place. I’ve become overwhelmed by shame, regret, and guilt. I’ve put my love and trust in relationships that I shouldn’t have. I have felt as if I have had to hide my boo boos, and that God didn’t want to look at me anymore, let alone hold and comfort me. I’m sorry if this shocks you, or if you thought I was better than one to stumble. But I promised vulnerability, and the truth is, I am a sinner saved by grace, basking in his mercies that are new every morning.
Matthew 4:18-22 ESV– While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
As I was reading this, my attention was drawn to why Peter, Andrew, James, and John were so willing to leave everything behind to follow Jesus. Their families, homes, jobs, everything. I don’t believe that they really knew who Jesus was yet. The Bible doesn’t say that they knew him at this point, as it was just the beginning of Jesus’ ministry. I believe that they saw the love in his eyes, as he stood on the shore calling out to them, and that the leading of the Holy Spirit showed them there was nothing to fear and that they could leave everything behind and follow him. They saw the love in Jesus’ eyes as he called out to them and they immediately knew they could trust him. When I read this, I was honestly convicted. I know Jesus. I know He is good and faithful and one that I can trust. But I don’t always immediately drop my ‘nets’, or things that I think I need or boo boos that I may be trying to hide, and trust him like I know I should. When God called me to go on the Race, I held on to my net of being comfortable and happy where I am at right now; I didn’t immediately drop my net. I honestly pulled my net in closer and held on more tightly. But He still continued to call out to me. When I stopped worrying, and looked him in the eyes, I saw His love, and knew that I had nothing to fear. Some of us (me) have things that we need to let go of (expectations, relationships, addictions, past sins, etc..). We need to see the love in God’s eyes, and fall into his mercy and grace, but first we need to let go of our ‘nets’. I believe letting go is giving more of ourselves to God, and that’s what I want my relationship with Him to look like, more of me belonging to more of God.
As I continued reading, I came to Matthew 16 and a couple of things began to click….
Matthew 16:13-20 ESV– Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rockI will build my church, and the gates of hellshall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosedin heaven.” Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ.
The disciples who left everything to follow Jesus, have now had plenty of time to get to know who Jesus is. They should know who he is by now after spending 3 years in ministry with him. Jesus asks them who people say He is, and they respond with, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” Then Jesus asks them a more personal question, “But who do you say that I am?” Who am I to you? Peter replies with truth, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus basically says, “You’re right Peter, now that you know who I am, let me tell you who you really are.” We need to come to a place where we see who God really is, we see the love in His eyes, and we trust him. Once we see who he really is, then He begins calling out who we really are. Not who others say we are, or what society may say who we are, or even what we may think of ourselves because of things that we have done. No, We are his children, Beloved, set apart, called, a delight, we belong to Him and through Him we have authority to do even greater things than Jesus himself on the earth did. Once we realize who God is, and who we really are in Christ, we have the freedom to let go of the things that are holding us back from a more intimate relationship with him.
I hear my Father calling out to me, “Sweet daughter, if you love me, you will trust me. Look me in the eyes and see the love I have for you. Drop your nets and come running to me. Don’t try and hide your boo boos, let me come in and take your broken pieces and make you whole. Run to me so I can hold you near, kiss your wounds, and speak tenderly to you. I’m your father, and it’s my joy to delight in you.”
