I am currently sitting in the upper room of our hostel at the compound we are staying at in Africa this month. I am listening to Josh Garrell, as the cool humid wind blows through the open windows and doors, bringing small wofts of our delicious dinner being cooked below. Though it is slightly overcast, that doesn’t stop the sun from breaking through, it’s orange and purple beams creating rays of dancing colors for a sunset.
It suddenly hits me that I am in Africa. I am in AFRICA. And I am honestly overwhelmed with so many thoughts and emotions that I want to share with you, so I hope and pray this blog isn’t too much or all over the place. I want to be able to share with you all what the Lord has been doing in my heart while waiting to leave for the World Race and what he is already doing now in the Ivory Coast. He is so worthy. So kind. So good. And I want to give him glory and praise where it is due.
The awkward time between training camp and Launch was just that, awkward. I found it hard to be present at home, as I was ready to go to the Nations to be the hands and feet of Jesus. But then I was also confused and felt guilty for not wanting to say goodbye to my friends and family.The thought of saying goodbye to everyone became more real every day. I was overcome by saddness and found my emotions being at war with each other. The Lord was also still healing my heart from a lot of shame and self hatred, and trying to walk through that while continuing to prepare for leaving became overwhelming. When I look back now, I see even the small things the Lord was doing as he was working on my heart, preparing me for what he has planned these next 11 months.
Sunday July 31st, although it was hard and there were lots of tears, It was the most beautiful day. I saw the beauty of what happens when the body of Christ works together for the same purpose; to bring glory to Jesus. My amazing church, family, and friends lavished so much love on me as they commissioned me to go to the Nations. They prayed over me, wrote me letters and words of encouragement. They made me Thanksgiving food and sang me happy birthday along with an AMAZING 3 tiered cake my sweet friend Dawn made for me. They annointed me with oil and spoke prophetic words over my life. I have never felt so loved and supported. From day one they have said yes to the Lord and the call that he has placed on my life to do missions. Times when I didn’t believe in myself and wanted to give up, they were there to encourage and lift me up. Through this process, the Lord has taught me that I cannot do anything on my own. Not only do I need Him, but I also need the body of Christ. Hug after hug, goodbye after goodbye, it began to really sink in this crazy journey the Lord is taking me on.
Saying goodbye to my sweet momma was so hard, ya’ll. So so hard. I felt the weight of the fullness of being without her for 11 months. And it really hurt. I was thankful for the few extra days I had with her in Geargia at Launch– A 4 day training with racers and parents before launching us into the field. However, when Saturday came, with alligator tears in our eyes, we embraced tightly and said our goodbyes. She got on her shuttle to go to the airport, and I returned to my hotel for the rest of my training. I held back sobs until later when I was with my team in our hotel room. Even though I was embarassed by my grief and inability to stop crying, they loved me and walked with me through my pain. During one of the sessions at Launch we had with our parents, we had a special moment where we were able to confess our fears to our parents, and they were able to express their fears with us. I opened up to my mom and explained to her that I knew that no matter what, she would always love me. That I knew she was for me. And being without her this next year meant that I wouldn’t have that assurance anymore. I was afraid of people seeing the real me. The messy, not perfect, cranky, very human, ugly Mallorie. My mother loved on me and reminded me that the Lord is always for us and that the community I am in is one that stands for the love of Christ, no matter how messy it may get. I saw the truth in this as my team often checked on me throughout the weekend. They would often stop and give me hugs, pat my back, and speak words of wisdom and encouragement over me. After expressing my fears of rejection, they assured me that they would always be for me, no matter how messy, because that is what Jesus looks like. Even though community is so hard, it looks like Jesus and it is so rewarding.
My squad and I have survived long tiring airport layovers, but enjoyed being served by the Emirates airlines and ravished in adventure as we had an extensive layover in Dubai that allowed us to stay in a hotel for the night after exploring the beauty of the desert country. We survived yet another long flight that finally brought us to Cote d’Ivoire Africa. We have since then officially lived in Africa for 7 days. 7 days of close community. 7 days of bucket showers and often times running out of water. Yikes. 7 days of sharing food. 7 days of wearing the sane outfit multiple times. 7 days of real and raw Africa living. (Chelsea, if you are reading this, I know you are thoroughly enjoying all the 7’s. She loves sevens ya’ll). There have been several times I have had to pinch myself to remember that I am in fact not dreaming and that this is real life. I have been in a season of thankfullness as I am overwhelmed at the greatness of God and his provision in getting me here. His provision in fulfilling a deep desire and dream of mine. For years I have had a special place in my heart specifically for Africa, and being here now is more than I ever could have imagined. I know that this is just the beginning and that the road ahead will not be easy, but I know that I am not alone. The Lord goes before me and he is also beside me and behind me. He is for me and not against me. Despite the inadequacies that I feel, he has equipped me, and he has sent me. Not only that, but I have an amazing support system praying and interceding on my behalf.
My heart for this blog is to welcome you in to where I am at currently as well as the process it has taken to get here. I pray you see the goodness of the Father and that He has great plans for you. Plans that are far greater than what you could ever imagine.
Peace and Blessings!
Mallorie
