I have safely made it back to Eswatini as of Friday! As many of you know, I had the opportunity to come back home for the holidays. I am so thankful for the time I had to spend with family and friends, the memories I was able to make, and the cold weather. Thank you to those who made this happen; I cannot thank you enough.
As the date got closer to my return to Africa, I started to really struggle with wanting to come back. I was enjoying my time at home and didn’t want to have to go through more goodbyes. I wanted to stay at home, but I knew that Eswatini is where the Lord had me. Honestly, it was a constant battle surrendering this to Him. I kept praying, “Lord help me to want what you desire for me, not what I desire for myself.” While praying this prayer, I felt as if I had failed myself and those who have been supporting me. I felt as if I had failed my Father. I wanted so badly for my heart to align with His, but it didn’t seem as if I was getting anywhere with the transformation I desired. The Lord reminded me of Psalms 73:26.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
This is where I am at. And if this is where you are at too, I encourage you to run to the Father. Not because it’s easy, but because He is our refuge. He is the source of our strength and our portion forever. And He will give you the strength to run to Him.
I wanted to write this, not for pity, but to encourage. When I said “yes” to Jesus, I said “yes” to everything that comes with following Him. I said “yes” to His Word. I said “yes” to forgiveness. I said “yes” to living a life of love. I said “yes” to putting God before everything. And I said “yes” to following Him to Eswatini. I find it incredibly reassuring that before I was even born, He knew I would be here. I have no reason to not trust Him! That is just who He is.
So as I write this, I can say that I am so so excited for what the Lord is going to do in these next 4 ½ months. When I arrived on Friday I felt the Lord’s peace take hold of my heart. I am so thankful for a Father who meets us where we are at, and also doesn’t leave us there. I want to end this blog with sharing an excerpt out of my journal from earlier this month.
January 4, 2020
He is worth it. He is worth following to Swazi. He has always been. Even in the hardest of times He will always be worth it. I don’t serve a god who is afraid. I don’t serve a God who trembles. I don’t serve a God who settles. I serve a God who triumphs. I serve a God who wins every battle. I serve a God who loves me. I serve a powerful God.
He has always been, He is, and He will always be worth it.
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