My love language is 1) Quality Time and 2) Words of Affirmation.
To me, quality time can be doing anything with someone else. Going to a movie – quality time. Walking around a mall, pointing at the manikins and thinking about who on our squad would wear that outfit – quality time. Good conversations – quality time. Silently reading a book with someone – quality time. It normally doesn't matter what I am doing with someone and I will love it and feel loved by it.
I have a hard time initiating hangout times with people on my team. So when I see my teammates hanging out with other people and not spending much time with me, instead of pursuing them for more time, I just get frustrated and upset. How pitiful.
Today, I left ministry early because I wasn't feeling well. As I was laying in bed my mind was focused on the pain in my belly. And then it went away. As soon as it went away my thoughts were being filled with things God has been trying to tell me. He has been trying to teach me about this thing I haven't really been understanding..
Unconditional love.
I know he loves me like that even though I sometimes forget. I know that I don't return that kind of love to him. I also know that I don't love my brothers and sisters like that.
Why do you get so upset when this teammate hangs out with that teammate more than you? Because it makes me feel like I am not as good as the other teammate. Like I am not as loved as the other teammate. But I made you in a way that is perfect to me. And I love you. I don't like when you compare yourself to others. I didn't make you to be like them. I made you to be my daughter. I made you to be Malerie. How do you think I feel when you spend more time with other people than you do with me? Oh… Well… I would assume you get jealous like I do… That's right. But I still love you and will continue to pursue you for your time and your heart. I want you to love your team the way I love you. They are your family. They are your brothers and sisters. When you get to where you can love your team unconditionally, you will be able to love everyone unconditionally.
Oooh…
So what am I to do with that? Well, for starters, I am going to love my team with every fiber of my being. I am going to trust them with my whole heart. I am going to open myself up to them. And be… vulnerable. And if they say or do something that hurts my heart (because they are human and mess up) I will not love them any less for it. When I get home from this epic journey, I will be able to carry that love over to everyone else.
God is teaching me to love with this kind of love. A different kind of love. An unconditional love. And he has this neat way of showing me his love all the time. I could never deny the love of my Father!
You are loved,
Malerie
