So most people reading this blog are people who know me well enough to know that I am ridiculously hard headed. One of the biggest motivators for me to go to college and succeed was the amount of people who said I wouldn’t. I am stubborn. I know this, you know this… and God knows this. But as much as I like to have my way, God WILL have His way. I guess in a way, He is the most stubborn of us all :).
That said, I have been battling with a few things this month and the Lord gave me some epiphany moments that only He could give. I started trying something called listening prayer. It’s like a conversation with God. You pray to Him and ask Him questions with the expectation that He will answer you in some way (a word, an image, a verse, etc.). Now, I’m here to tell you that I was skeptical. I know that the Lord speaks to me through the Holy Spirit and yet I was afraid that He wouldn’t. I was scared to try because what if He didn’t respond? What if He did and I thought it was just me putting words in His mouth? Or worse, what if I thought He was speaking and I really was just putting words in His mouth? You can see the dilemma here. The enemy was hard at work trying to convince me God didn’t really speak to me by distracting me and telling me lies.So I am trying listening prayers and I am struggling because I don’t know what is God and what is me and I’m starting to think its all just me. That is when God showed me I had no reason to feel so insecure and stressed out about prayer.
It started a few nights ago. We were at a village and we had arrived early. Our pastor/host was with us and telling us about a time when his son had gotten them into a bit of trouble. Their son is ten and wants to be a pastor when he grows up. He goes to a catholic school and the majority of his classmates are Muslim and Hindu. He is one of the only Christians. He stood up in class and announced that Jesus was the only true God and the gods they were talking about were not real. Christianity isn’t very popular here. Both the Muslim and Hindu community have some members who would be totally okay with acting violently toward someone who is a Christian (don’t worry mom, we are not allowed to go anywhere alone). Also, the government can make it very hard for Christians to find good jobs. And they know you are Christian because they record your religious beliefs when you sign up for school. Needless to say, it was a big deal for him to do that and he had a lot of angry parents coming to the school. His parents told him he had to be careful with the things he said and the way he said them… But all I could think was how impressed I was. I tried to picture myself in his shoes, sitting as an adult, the only Christian in a room full of Muslim and Hindu adults and telling them that Jesus is the only true God and that the gods they believed in were false. I know I would have to, but can we talk about how scary that would be? I am being honest and vulnerable with you right now so please try not to shred me to pieces in your comments. I would do it, but it would be scary.. That’s what I came up with.
Anyway, I am doing listening prayer every night and that night as I did it, I felt like I heard nothing from God, zero, zilch, noda. The next day we were going to a church dedication and then to another village after and I agreed to speak. While at the dedication, something kind of crazy sounding happened. I was looking out over the crowd when three men came in. They looked a few years younger than me and seemed like normal 22ish year old men, but something just felt off about them. I prayed that the Lord dispel any spirits from the church that were not of Him and I waited but still felt like something was off..so I prayed again that If there were any spirits not of Him that they would be made to feel so uncomfortable in His presence that they would have to leave. Not five minutes later, the three men got up and left in the middle of my teammates message. Some may call it a coincidence, but I don’t think so. I think the Spirit of the Lord gave me discernment in that moment and that He responded to my prayer.
After that happened, I was sitting, thinking about what I was going to speak on that night and idols kept popping up in my mind. I was planning to share a word Sunday morning on making the Christmas holiday/traditions an idol and putting more focus on it than the actual reason for the season, which is Jesus.. So I kept pushing the topic of idols away thinking I was just stuck on the message I had been writing for Sunday. “I will just talk about who God is!” I said finally, getting frustrated with myself. So I began writing a message about who God was but about halfway through it I realized that it was actually about…. Idols. Okay God, I get it. You want me to talk about idols. (See, stubborn!) So I began writing what I would say.When it was finished, I was listening to our host speaking with a teammate when I heard him say, “oh yes, you will find that there are always Hindu people at the village house churches when we share, as well as at church”.
For a moment I felt a little panicked. And this is painful and shameful to admit, but I questioned if I needed to change my topic because… I didn’t want to offend or anger anyone. I don’t like conflict and didn’t want to step on any toes. I began trying to make my message seem softer. Then it came to me that this is the moment I had been thinking of the other night. Could I stand in front of a few Hindus and tell them their gods were not the one true God? That to follow Him they needed to forsake their idols and false gods? Yes. I had to. Because it was the truth and it was the Lord told me to speak about. Not two minutes after I decided that I would of course tell people who Jesus was, did our host tell us he decided it was too late to go to the village so we would be heading home. I felt God saying to me, I just wanted to know if you really would Makita. And I came to the realization that just because God doesn’t choose to answer right when I ask Him something doesn’t mean He won’t or that He doesn’t talk to me…He will do it in His time and in His way. So, I said before that God told me to speak about making the Christmas holiday/traditions an idol the coming Sunday morning… And I did. I listened and obeyed. It wasn’t highly received by the church community. I got a few smiles and nods… But I mostly got frowns. At the end of the service, they normally all come to shake your hand. I got three hand shakes and one woman straight up skipped over me to shake the hand of the girl beside me. I apparently stepped on some toes… Sometimes when you listen to God, that is going to happen. People don’t necessarily like to be convicted or told they are wrong.. And while I did it in a loving way and assured them that I was talking as much to myself as anyone, some people didn’t like it. That was kind of hard for me. But I expected it. Praise God for giving me words to speak that were powerful enough to stir some hearts and for giving me the courage and boldness to speak them.
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Verses/food for thought:
John 1:9-10
The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, yet the world did not know Him.
Luke 2:10-14
And the angel told them, “fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” Then suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom He is pleased.
Christmas!!!
this is what it’s about y’all! How easily we get caught up in other things and forget why we are celebrating. Jesus, the one and only way to salvation, was born!
Exodus 20:3
You shall have no other gods before me.
Has your celebration become an idol? what are you most concerned with this holiday season; your traditions or how to glorify Jesus most? This one hit me. I realized that for me, Christmas has been more about traditions and family than Jesus for a long time.
John 10:3-4
He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When He has brought out all of His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.
How has God been speaking to you lately? Do you hear Him? I am working on this one!
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Stay tuned for my next blog about my India experience (coming soon!) I love you all and miss you. Thank you for your love, support and prayers. Keep it coming! I am thankful for such a committed loving community. I am incredibly blessed. I hope you’ve had a very Merry Christmas and have remembered the reason for the season.
P.s. (Those of you who know Drew) when you see him, give him a hug for me and some words of encouragement.. For no other reason than he deserves it. 🙂
Mom, Dad, Kelly, Bennie, Drew: I love you and I miss you! Send me some emails and pictures on Facebook messager.
