One day on my race, I had decided to do an inner healing. An inner healing is just allowing the Lord to speak truth into times in your life that were difficult. How it works is someone will prompt questions for you to ask the Lord. You ask him out loud or in your head, and you tell whoever is initiating the conversation what he tells you. Basically, it’s just having a conversation with the Lord and allowing him to show you where he was in the midst of the storm. Through this, the Lord has relieved to me that something that was blocking me from experiencing him fully is I listened to my doubts. He showed me I listened to the lies that the world and the enemy have told me, over the Lords truth. He showed me I didn’t believe that the Lord sent Jesus to die for me, because I didn’t believe that someone loved me enough to do so. I believed I wasn’t worthy, or enough to be apart of his kingdom. He showed me that my doubts went as far as his existence. That all this time going to church, hearing and reading his truth, that there was a thought in the back of my mind that thought it was all bogus.
After the Lord showed me all this, I went and sat in the prayer garden and wrote out a prayer to the Lord. It said “Lord it is hard for me to believe you love me with all my mistakes, all my brokenness, all my scars. But you say I am loved, you say I am worthy, you say I’m your precious daughter, you say I am chosen. The truth is you sent Jesus to die for me, knowing all that I’d do. He was mocked, beat, whipped, spit on, and gave his last breath on the cross for me. His blood washes it all away. Help me to have no doubt in my mind, help me to never believe in the lies again, help me to truly believe who you say I am. Give me a radical faith, give me the ability to trust, fully convince me that I am saved. When I doubt, when I hear lies, when I don’t believe, remind me of the truth, remind me of who you say I am, remind me of what you did on the cross for me. Renew and transform my mind to only focus on your truth. Help me walk in your love and know that I am loved. Thank you Lord for your truth. Amen.” After I prayed this prayer, I went on with my day, and the next.
The night after, I had heard everyone talking about a huge fire outside. I wasn’t going to go look because I wanted to finish watching 27 dresses. One of my teammates Alex came in and said “Mak it’s worth it to put on pants and go look outside.” A little irritated I couldn’t finish my movie, I threw on pants in huffs and puffs. I went outside and saw an image I’ll never forget. The sky was a canvas of bright orange. I’m not kidding when I say the entire night sky was lit up with the flames of this fire. It took my breath away, I had never seen anything like it. As fascinating as it was, it soon turned to heart break. We all had sensed that this was not something that was on purpose (they burn the sugarcane fields to get all the bad stuff of it and it helps with fertilization). One of my squad mates started praying over the fire, and I normally always close my eyes during prayer, but something had made me keep them open this time. In the midst of her prayer, I saw the sky dim, and the fire grew smaller and smaller, and in a matter of seconds it was out.
My eyes were brought to tears, I was stopped in my tracks. I just saw the God of the universe preform one of his miracles. I started jumping up in down in hysterical joy. MY God just did that. Like WHAT?? It was out in not even ten seconds. In Nsoko, we live in a very secluded, rural area. They don’t have fire departments here, fire fighters in America would have taken days to take out that fire, let alone seconds. No water, fire men, or anything but Jesus could’ve done what I witnessed. And in that moment, I realized that it’s true. The stories we read in the Bible that sound like fairytales are true. The miracles Jesus did, raising the dead to life, feeding 5,000 hungry people, giving sight to the blind and mobility to the lame, they all happened. My God had answered my prayer a little over 24 hours later. In that moment my doubts, the lies, the questions, they fell away. He affirmed to me that he is real, and he is working. He showed me that he is a miracle working God. After it happened, the people from my squad who saw it worshiped the Lord for what he did. After, one of my teammates had said that it was kind of like the Lord didn’t put out the fire, but put in it us. We walked away that night so on fire for Jesus.
I tell you this story to show you that there is a God, and I witnessed him first hand. He met me in my doubts, and fully convinced me. Maybe you aren’t convinced, and maybe you’re waiting for the fire to be put out in your life, but have little faith that it will be. I’m always reminded of the disciples when I doubt. They literally saw all of Jesus’ miracles, they did ministry with him for 3 years, they encountered everything, but they still doubted. But after seeing what I saw, I can say with 100% confidence that he will show up in your life. He has for me, time and time again. He has the power to put out every fire in your life once you surrender and open your heart to him, and allow him into the parts that are broken. I’m so excited for the ways he will show up for you too. In the doubts, in having little faith, turn to the one who is faithful, and I promise you won’t be disappointed.
