The phone rang and my heart jumped to my throat. I went from a state of being totally calm to a nervous mess in about half a second. If you need a visual, imagine the yoga teacher melting into the floor to the college student in a corner holding their knees, rocking back and forth the night before a big exam.
“So I’m sure you probably would like to know if you got in…”
“Um…yes.”
“Well you have been accepted to go on the World race so congratulations.”
“Wait… what? Did you say I AM going?”
“Yes.” *Silence* “Are you ok?…”
This is a conversation I had on the phone a week ago from today. In that silent moment I experienced about 100 different emotions. Scroll through the emoji’s on your phone and I wore almost all of those faces. I was excited, scared, and shocked. You see, I have had a lot of experience taking things into my own hands. You would think with all of the experience I have I would actually be good at being in control by now, right? Wrong.
I have made a mess trying to take care of things on my own. When I say it out loud I realize how crazy it is to think my way would ever be better than God’s way but that’s something I struggled with for years. I started feeling pulled to the world race and I kept telling myself, “You can’t do that. Why would God choose you for this?”
I went to pray about it one Sunday night and this amazing Godly woman came to me, not knowing what I was praying about and said, “If you feel like God is pulling you to do something, you do it! Don’t you worry about it either. If it’s His will, He will open the doors and if its not He will keep them closed.” That was my deciding factor to apply. I really believe God sent her to me. That was my prayer through the process. “God if it’s your will open the doors, if its not keep them closed.” Through this process God has put Jeremiah 29:11 in my heart and it has brought me so much peace. He knows the plans he has for me!
That second that I was waiting, holding my breath to find out if I got in I realized how badly I wanted to go. I was surprised that God had called me for this. Immediately I was like, “Are you sure God? You know me. I’m not qualified.” But something I’ve heard over and over again is God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
I just want to take a moment to brag about how good God is. I was soooo nervous about this journey and let me tell you why. The longest I have ever been away from my family and friends is two days… So imagine how terrifying it is to think about leaving everything and everyone I know behind for almost a year to live out of a backpack in countries I’m not familiar with.
I would find blog after blog about fearing because of finances but I couldn’t seem to find someone talking about the fear of stepping out. Today, two short days after my commitment call, and almost nine months before launch, I sat in a coffee shop 30 minutes away from home with a girl that is on my squad!
God is faithful. I don’t deserve what he has done for me yet he blesses me over and over again. He gave me a new friend and peace about being gone because I will still have a family in Him. He will never leave me or forsake me and he provides! I made the decision to step out of my comfort zone for God and He is here with me! So that’s how God gave me peace through a simple cup of coffee.
