Identity was another lesson we taught this month. Our visuals were pop bottles and labels. After label matching and a taste test our conclusion was three fold: 1) that the label and exterior are the world’s perception of you, 2) the fluid and actual taste are your perceptions of you and, 3) the truth is the two, you externally and internally, make up a snapshot of who God has created you to be — one designed in His image.
This morning, God gave me another lesson on identity. To process it, I wrote. And since I have now written, I will share.
Random thoughts from the Desk of Majil regarding Identity:
Acts 7:22 “Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action.”
We already know Stephen, the speaker, is a man filled with the Holy Spirit and He is radiating with the Spirit as he articulates these words; that could explain a lot. But, Holy Spirit aside (yes, I did just write that and, no, a lighting bolt did not strike me), I am wondering which “Moses” Stephen is talking about?
You see, I read Moses account just days ago and I remember a far different man. A man who made me, and probably God too, laugh out loud when he ran from the snake. Shoot, I would have hot footed it the other direction as well and I know, in the same way, God has to exercise extreme patience with me, repeatedly, to bring me back to the table in order to finish many a discussion we have started.
I also recall a man who was self conscious in his speech and pawned off the speaking roll to his older brother. As one who gets heckled almost continuously for need to exercise my outdoor voice; this compromise with God is one always duly noted. So when Stephen described Moses as, “powerful in speech” it gives me great pause.
I am also aware, in Numbers, that Moses is described as the most humble man alive. Which often makes readers chuckle, as Moses is thought the author of Numbers. So, as the discussion goes, can you say you are the most humble man alive and still be humble? Most have concluded you can if the God of the universe tells you to and, if you hold to the belief that Scripture is God breathed, than God has told Moses what to write.
Which, when you stop and think about, is something really pretty exceptional. God, knowing Moses whole heart, even the deep dark yuck stuff most any human would try to hide away, saw humility as the resounding character trait.
Bravo Moses.
That is nice but there is still my issue with him being described as a man “powerful in action”. Humility has been defined and redefined in my world so, it may be in flux right now, but, in the interest of pressing forward, it still has an element of passivity not power. Power to me is somehow overbearing and overbearing and humility do not match; at least not in my head on this particular day.
Conclusions start to roll in.
Moses pre-desert is wise in the world, powerful in speech and action. In short, he is someone people would be apt to follow. Moses post-desert is not so sure of himself, voluntarily mute, and reluctant to take action (even running away at times).
Moses is often looked to as a model for leadership and it is this point that digs at me. He was not fit for his leadership calling until he spent time in the desert. And the man that came out of the desert ain’t all that glamorous; despite how our man Stephen describes him.
What happened? Where is Stephen’s Moses?
God happened and leaders beware. I would conclude anyone with aspirations to lead or, just innate qualities that result in them often leading, will have the joy of God frustrating all the good gifts He has originally woven into their makeup. Because we can’t forget, God saved Moses. God placed Moses under the care and protection of Pharaohs household. God wanted Him to have that upbringing.
Is it a right of passage then, having your strengths part and parceled out until you feel and experience them as points of weakness? To undergo an “identity crisis”? And then, only then, are you in a place that the Lord can reassemble them to be used in their purist form for His intended purpose? I don’t know about you but that sounds miserable. And, I think, Moses demeanor at times shows me it is miserable.
As one who has a nifty “leadership” title attached to her identity right now and has had them historically I am none too jazzed about todays lesson. My mind whirls with, “where am I in the process? Am I still under Pharaohs roof growing in my God given strengths? Or am I on my way out of Egypt, running scared from Pharaoh the first time, just starting 40 years in the desert of isolation while God purges me of my worldly identity. Or am I twenty years in and starting to shed some of the weight of how nifty I think I am? Doubtful, but, am I on my way to Mt. Horeb having no idea Gods getting ready to call me up…after of course I get done running scared from the proposition.”
God only knows.
What I know is I am not the only one on this journey of mistaken identity. I know there are others of you out there that are shedding the weight of what you thought you were and trading it, no matter how reluctantly, for your truest self. My hope is that you will stay the course and encourage me too as well. Because, I don’t know about you, but I think the prospect of seeing God, I mean really seeing Him such that my face is freakishly radiant, sounds like something I’d like to experience. And while I may be worlds of naïve because I’ve already confessed I have no idea where I am in the purging process and what amount of humbling awaits me, I still have caught the vision and I still think He’s worth it. Because, after all, He thought I was worth it.
