Well, I promised a more in depth talk about what God taught me at Training Camp, so here we go!
It’s hard to believe that I got home over a week ago now. On one hand it feels like ages have already passed, but on the other I feel like I was just there. I felt similar down in Georgia. I had just gotten there and the days seemed to drag on by, but at the same time it passed in the blink of an eye. The schedule was pretty consistent, and we spent a lot of time in sessions (basically classes or sermons) that taught us about evangelism, the Holy Spirit, cultural differences, world religions, etc. The amount of knowledge I was confronted with was astounding, but I really enjoy learning so for the most part I stayed awake and engaged.
It was definitely a stretch for me to go without any plumbing or to sleep in a tent. I’m not an outdoor person per say, but by the grace of God I became accustomed to it in just a day or two. I’m glad they made us rough it, because I feel at least a little more prepared to sacrifice the amenities we enjoy here in America.
But enough surface level, I want to tell you about what God changed and taught me in my heart over these ten days. First off, I learned it’s important to quiet myself and listen to God as much, if not more than, I talk to Him. Anyone who knows me personally is aware that once I get started talking, I’m hard to stop, and I’m like that with God too. I enjoy talking to someone who I know loves and cares for me and all of the trivial, random things on my mind. I know He delights in me, and although He is holding the atoms of everything in the universe together moment by moment, this does not distract Him from me. However, He wants to speak to me as well. Whether that be through other people, His Word, my own thoughts, or my passions I need to willing and ready to listen. Even taking a few minutes to quiet my mind to listen every day is something that I’ve found helps me to be aware of what God is trying to do in my life, even if I don’t hear anything specific from Him in that time. I’ve learned that God always has something to teach or tell me, something that He wants to include me in. I just need to push the brakes once and awhile and pay attention.
Another thing that God showed me this week is a kind of personal creed that He wants me to follow. It all started with the fitness hike, a 2.2 mile long hike done in hilly, humid Georgia to be completed in 48 minutes with our full bags. My bag weighs about 30 pounds, but I wasn’t necessarily nervous as I’d spent all summer as a camp counselor, getting plenty of exercise. I had no idea what God had planned for my hike.
I got off to a slow start, but I was confident I’d be able to finish in time. But before I even finished the first lap, I felt a terrible pain in my guts. It just kept getting worse until I was unable to move. I sat on the ground and cried while those around were trying to figure out what to do. However, after just a few minutes the intense pain faded, and I was left feeling dejected and embarrassed. In my mind, it would’ve been better if I’d be hospitalized or if the pain never went away. Now I was left with the fear that people would think I’d faked it or that I was weak, and the heavy knowledge I’d never finish the hike on time. I wanted to quit, but my squad came around me with overwhelming support and encouragement, and when presented with the option to not finish the hike, I smiled and kept going. I did end up finishing it after pushing myself harder than I ever had physically. I was exhausted but satisfied. However, when I was told I’d have to wake up at 5 am the very next day for the makeup hike I felt embarrassed and dejected all over again.
Apparently I hadn’t learned my lesson the first time, but God and my squadmates were happy to remind me again that I could do it. Many of them woke up before dawn to cheer me on, and my squadmate, Malia Williams, ran the whole way with me. My legs were sore from yesterday (although I couldn’t feel them much after the first lap), I was tired, and I feared I would cramp up again. Despite all of that I heard God speak to me louder than my worries or pain, telling me that my dedication and unwavering pace on this physical hike represented the real race I was called to run.
(Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.)
I remember trying to keep the pace going uphill and saying “I am worthy. I am loved” to the timing of my footfalls, keeping them constant. I remember that last hill, literally yelling with an unfamiliar energy, pushing myself those last few feet. I remember the rush of joy when I was done, and I realized I had done the second lap faster than my first. I remember the relief hearing I’d finished with time to spare. I remember how relying on God drove all else from my mind, allowing me to go farther than I’d ever thought I could.
When I was processing later, I heard God place a word in my heart. It’s one of my favorite words, tenacity. I pulled out my journal and began writing as the Holy Spirit laid words on my heart, and He blessed me with a creed that I hope to carry, not just for these nine months, but for life.
“I commit to a tenacious spirit and walk with You. Using Your promises to support and propel me forward and allowing others around to support and encourage me, let the anthem of my heart be fierce devotion to You and those you have placed in my life and an unwillingness to give less than 110%, pushing past my personal limits and relying on You.”
I thank you for reading, as I know this blog got very long. I want to ask that you hold me to spirit of tenacity and that you would share it with me. Let us all be tenacious in our race, as we fervently seek after God!
