I’m so overjoyed to send this blog from the beautiful country of Guatemala! It truly is beyond anything I had expected and I’m unimaginably excited to see more and get to know the people here. God is doing amazing things, and I’m blessed to be called to be a part of them.
Now, to get to the point of this blog, as I’m sure you are curious about the title of it. I am very introverted in the way that I value time alone and in small groups. I love sitting in comfortable silence with others, and then diving head long into deep conversations. I tend to be uncomfortable and shy in large groups. I tire of being around people. I can be awkward in conversations. I’m also terrible with remembering faces and names. Not all of this is synonymous with being introverted but are personal to me.
Now, God has called me to nine months of ministry, the majority of which will be spent living with over fifty other people in close community. Sometimes part of me wonders if He mixed up and meant to send someone who is better equipped for this kind of lifestyle. However, God never makes mistakes, and what was mixed up was my perception of the situation.
When I was describing myself you might have picked up on the consistancy of the word ‘I’. (I used it seven times for those who are curious.) But that’s normal, right? I mean, I was talking about myself. So, it’s not selfish…
The thing is, God has revealed to me, that my “I” is not meant to be stagnate, but rather it is a personality and soul constantly being changed and refined to be made into who God has always intended me to be. The only personality, the only unchanging “I”, is the Lord’s. I go to Exodus chapter 3 when God is telling Moses what name he should give the Isrealites when they ask who God is. The Lord replies “I AM WHO I AM”. His character never changes or shifts with the enviornment. He is who He has always been and ever will be, and that is a perfect, loving God who wishes to be intimate with His fallen creation and to rescue them from themselves.
On the other hand, my desire is for my “I” the next minute to be better than it is now; more intimate, more compassionate, more wise, more like God. Now that’s not to say that I feel like God is telling me that being an introvert is wrong, but I do believe that He is asking me to surrender the power it has over my “I”. I can accept who I am and be comfortable in my own skin, while still placing that “I” in God’s hands to be formed in accordance to His will. He refuses to let me make that “I” an excuse for abandoning intimacy, opportunity for growth, or as a way of lowering myself in shame.
I might feel like a fish out of water sometimes, but it’s in those times of stretching that real growth occurs. So, I praise God for those hard times, and thank Him for using them to transform my “I”.
