Don’t freak out! I’m not leaving the field, but I just wanted to share my struggles with not being able to be with my family this holiday season. I have a blog ready to go about my day to day life here in Thailand, but I felt like God wanted me to lay this out for you all.
First, let me explain that on the race there is no normal passage of time. I still feel like I’m in August, and it is due to the mixture of the weather and new environments. So, the fact that it is Christmas in a few days is WILD to me. But these last couple of days, it has really been sinking off.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I am missing out on, being across the world. I was remembering all of my siblings flying or driving in from out of state, all the game nights, the inside jokes, the sweaters, the popcorn, the classic Strubhar movies, the wassail, the spontaneous singing, and all of these are fun because of the wonderful family I spend it with. How can it be Christmas without them? There won’t be any rotating Christmas present opening or lazy pajamas or little sister to wake me up or handmade stockings (or broken stocking hangers) or Christmas cookies this year. It makes me… sad. Not bitter or jealous, just sad.
I’ve come to realize that this is okay. I’m feeling grief for the things I’ve given up to recieve what the Lord has for me here in Thailand. I wouldn’t give up the lessons I’ve learned, the people I’ve met, the lives I have seen touched, the ways I’ve grown for ANYTHING, even for one more Christmas at home.
I get to teach the Christmas story, a story of God’s love, to Buddhist students this year. Sure, it’s unconventional, but hey, the Kingdom thrives in the unconventional. So, I can too. I get to spend Christmas with six wonderful ladies, together rejoicing in the blessings the Lord has given us. We will be present and thriving.
And I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams, knowing that every moment I’m missing is worth it to be where and who I am.
