Sometimes when you are going through something hard, hearing that God will use your experience for good later on can feel like the opposite of comfort. In my struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety I hated hearing these things. I didn’t care what God would do later, I hated what I was going through right then. On the other side of that particular desert I have experienced the goodness of God in a spectacular way, and I wouldn’t trade my struggles and story for all the gold in the world.
Every Thursday we do something called activations at the base. One of the AIM staff members teaches on a topic with the goal of ‘activating’ us in it. This week the topic was walking in spiritual authority. Of course, Jr., the speaker, mentioned spiritual warfare, healing, miracles, etc. However, he also mentioned how important emotional and spiritual healing is, and how even sometimes our physical aliments have spiritual roots.
After that it was time to put into practice what we had learned with some ATL (Ask the Lord). We headed into our ministry village with some staff and some guests with pretty much no concrete direction. We started walking towards Gloria’s house asking the Lord to reveal where we should go. My teammate, Erika, received a picture of an injured arm. Lo and behold she spotted a woman working in a small shop with an arm cast!
She said she had injured her arm trying to break up a fight between their pigs two months ago, but she had just recently gotten a cast. The woman mentioned how hard it was to run her shop and raise the pigs without the use of both arms. She revealed her husband has diabetes and had been unable to work. This is when she retrieved her husband, Hugo.
Hugo was quiet and skinny. He talked about how hard it was to not be able to provide for his family. He was a believer in Jesus, but he felt very hopeless. Soon he was sharing how he felt suicidal, thinking it would be better to just end the suffering, knowing heaven was better, and hoping his wife would find a husband who could provide.
As I watched Hugo pour out his heart with tears in his eyes, I thought about my own struggles with depression and suicide. I was seized with a sense of urgency from God, and I knew I needed to share my story with this man, a complete stranger. To be honest, I don’t even recall what I said, and I take no credit for the Spirit’s work through me. But I knew we were connecting. Despite all the differences in culture, language, age, and life experience, the Spirit was pouring into him from me and He was giving me His heart for Hugo and his situation.
When the words stopped, we hugged each other, both of us absolutely sobbing our souls out. I have hardly ever felt so closely intertwined with another person in my life, and it was just so unexplainable.
I fully believe physical healing is coming for Hugo as well, and my teammate even prophesied that the next time he washed his face his eyesight would be completely healed.
When I was going through those low points in my life, some people encouraged me saying that I would be able to share with others my experience and help them walk through healing. Frankly, I didn’t care in the moment, because I was consumed with the present pain, but now I can truly say I’m so thankful I suffered the way I did so I could relate and connect to this man. My greatest mental weakness became a strength because the Lord decided to use it to build Him Kingdom.
Thank you all so much for your support. As some of you might know I am not fully funded. I still need to raise $2,507 to stay on the field. Please prayerfully consider giving a tax deductable donation through this very blog right from the home page. Thank you again for l of the support you have shown me!
