“How was your trip?”
The question that I’m kind of dreading, just a little bit. How do I sum up nine months of my life? Nine months of constant up and downs, containing the best times of my life and the worst. Nine months of growth and change and discovery and experience. Honestly, I might have a canned answer that I say the same way every time someone back home asks me this question, but I think it’s more likely that I will answer a little bit differently everytime, and everyone will get a little snapshot of different parts of my race. Not on purpose, just because there’s so much I could talk about. If you’ve read my blogs since the beginning you have a decent snapshot of my Race, but if you had lived it with me, you’d seeCD more. If you read my journal, you’d see more. But I honestly believe the only person who truly understands all the ramifications and growth of these nine months is the Lord who got me through it all. The same guy who might ask me this same question, jokingly, at the pearly gates as I come home into his arms.
Let me explain my thought process. So, waaaaay back when at Training Camp I did a little thing called the fitness hike, and it’s a long story (I wrote a blog about it if you’re more curious), but the gist of it was that I had to do it twice, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Like, it really sucked. But God gave to me the lesson of tenacity, and said that, like on the fitness hike, I would need tenacity to get through this race. And boy howdy, did I ever!
Now at the end, I see times when I could have, wanted to, quit so bad it was an ache in my soul. I have never yearned for something so much as I have yearned for home these past nine months. But journaling this morning God showed me the relation of this race and my life as a whole. They say the race is training camp for the rest of your life, but it is also a sort of simulation or metaphor for your life. At least for me, there were times when I wanted to give up on life, and nearly made steps in that direction, but I think a lot of people give up on life in their hearts and just express it differently than in suicidal thoughts and actions. I yearn to be with the Lord with an ache that actually leads me to have a fuller experience here on this earth. I experience struggling and suffering, delight and richness, and through it all I have the joy of the Lord. So, tenacity isn’t just a word for this season, it’s something I will need for the rest of my life.
See, I have the grace supplied in abundance from the Lord, but I need the grit to gird up my loins and walk boldly and joyfully into this life; to ask the Lord for the fruits He is so happy to give, to live out loud what He has written on my heart, to not be changed by the world, but to change it! While God is more than willing and eager to pour out His spiritual blessings upon our lives, we still have the choice whether we are going to enjoy them with him fully or miss out. So, I need the tenacity to throw myself at life, to push myself, and to never stop seeking the Lord and his heart for myself and others.
So, perhaps the question we all need to ask ourselves is that, if we died right now or the good Lord Jesus returned, and God asked us how our trip was, how would we answer? Did we sit meekly by and let life happen to us? Did we waste time sitting in shallow self centered doubt or pride? Did we actually see the abundant harvest that God has given us? I can only answer for myself, and honestly, that answer is a lot better now than it was nine months ago. But you don’t need a mission trip around the world to change your answers. All you need, you already have. Because trust me God holds nothing back, so why should we?
