My entire life I followed the example of a check boxer (you know someone who checks all the boxes), I got straight As, made the top sports teams, volunteered as a math tutor, everything that checked a box to help get me into the best college and be the perfect person. But what people didn’t realize was that it was all a facade. I wanted everyone to think that I had the perfect life in order to compensate for the mess that it actually was. I grew up with a brother with multiple personality disorders and being the newest addition to the family after we adopted him, I was the target of most of his abuse both physical and emotional. I grew accustomed to being called stupid, unathletic, and a social outcast, and became very skilled at dodging hurtling objects flying in my direction. I knew Coley was sick and had no control over his actions, but as much as I tried to ignore it, it sometimes got to me.
He no longer lives with us and our relationship has since grown, but the identity of being the “perfect child” has still stuck with me. So when I got my first rejection letter from college, it shattered my perfect world and brought forward the reality of my life. Everything I had done in my high school career was to strengthen my college application. What was the point was of taking 12 AP classes, volunteering more than 200 hours of service, starting a christian sports club at my school, and being an 11 season varsity athlete, if it didn’t help me get into college. It made me wonder what the point of growing up with an abusive brother was, if I couldn’t write a college essay about it. I completely lost track of who I was or how these things had defined who I was.
It took a lot of prayer for me to realize that everything has a purpose. I am a better person today for having grown up with Coley. He taught me to use my own gifts to compensate for the gifts that people lack. He taught me to show patience and empathy to all. He taught me that the infinite love of Christ is open to all. And he is the reason I serve in the inner city, taking care of kids with trauma. He is the reason I am the athlete I am today and am able to help kids through sports ministry. More importantly, he is the reason I have the courage to listen to God’s call and take this gap year to serve the poor and needy.
