The Lord is moving so much here in Costa Rica. And boy did he move last week at debrief. Debrief is a time to step away from the ministry sites and relax. It is a time to spend with the Lord and reflect on the past month(s). My squad ended up at a hostel in Jaco Beach, which is about two hours away from our house. This past week was actually super beneficial for me. It was just the break I needed to sit with the Lord and recognize things that I needed to change before stepping into month 2 of the race. It was also the perfect time to step away from the stress and chaos of adjusting to life in Costa Rica. It was the perfect vacation. But I knew at the end of the 5-day vacation, my squad and I would be traveling right back home to continue doing ministry. I had this mindset throughout the whole debrief – the anticipation of coming back home and what life would look like after the break. To be quite honest, I was scared of coming back home. I wasn’t super happy with the way I had been living – y’all the motions are so real even on the World Race. I know it might look like every day is extremely interesting, but to be honest the World Race is such a choice! I have the choice to let the days just pass me by and wake up the next day to the same thing and it’s hard to admit, but that’s the attitude I had in month 1. I have been giving myself grace in that though, because I did just leave everything behind to live a life of abandon and follow the Lord with everything I have. But it was still a tough realization to have. I had this realization before coming into debrief, but debrief was the perfect time to tackle it since it would be a fresh start when I returned back home. So, I decided to sit with the Lord and I didn’t really have much to say. I knew that the way I had been living was not glorifying to him. I knew that I was not choosing into the relationships or opportunities that were placed in front of me. I was simply coasting, but I couldn’t seem to put my finger on the root of this. I wanted to choose in so badly, but it was just a lot harder than it seemed. I began to ask the Lord why I was so stuck in the motions and why I couldn’t quite seem to fix my attitude. Y’all when we ask the Lord questions, we have to be expectant of him because I was not and he rocked my boat- literally. As I was sitting with the Lord, he answered me so clearly. My mind was filled with a picture of me standing in a boat. I have had this picture come and go in my head since training camp. It’s just me, standing in a little boat. The waves, so big and scary, are crashing all around me. In this picture, Jesus is standing pretty far away from me, but he’s standing on the water. He asks me to step out of the boat. He’s been asking me to step out of the boat since training camp. At the beginning of my race, this picture came to my head and at that point, I really badly wanted to step out of the boat and walk toward Jesus but the waves are so scary and I can’t walk on water. I put my pinky toe in the water but it was way too cold so I got back in my secure boat. As I’m sitting at debrief, this picture came into my head again and I keep poking my pinky toe in the water, but the water is just so cold. The Lord made it so clear that the reason I was so stuck in the motions was because I was still sitting in that little boat. He asked me to step out of the boat- I said no, dude this water is cold and it’s scary. The Lord asked me again to step out- I said no Lord I cannot stand on water, I’m safe in my boat. He asked me a third time- I said no. There I was, standing in my boat cold and all alone. Fast forward to a couple nights later- my squad is on the beach worshipping. I was feeling overly emotional and I couldn’t figure out why. I could hear the waves crashing behind me. That’s when it hit me. I needed to step out of the boat. I was so tired of the motions and I knew that stepping out of the boat was the only way to make them go away. But I had no idea how. After worship, I was talking to one of my teammates who was also trying to figure some things out with the Lord. As she started to explain to me what was going on in her mind, I knew we had to get in the water. It was pitch black outside besides the street lights, but I knew we had to go in. I was so doubtful- the water was so cold especially at night and the tide was strong. But the Lord was asking me to step out of the boat and I knew I had to. Another one of our teammates came over to us and asked what was going on. We explained in a quick sentence, and she immediately grabbed our hands, took her shoes off, and dragged us closer to the water. At this point, my heart is beating so fast and my adrenaline started rushing. Then we ran. We ran fully clothed into the water. The waves were so big and we got soaking wet. I stepped out of the boat. Not just a pinky toe, not just one log. No, y’all the Lord grabbed my hand and we stood on the water together. He had been waiting so long for me to realize that the boat is not safety- He is. He wants to stand with us in the chaos and in the cold. He held my hand as I got hit by the waves. All I needed to do was put one foot in front of the other and step out of that freaking little boat. I made the choice and though it took a lot of time, I know that the Lord will never let me be alone in the chaos. I am so excited for what month 2 holds especially now that it’s me and Jesus doing this thing- not just me.
