Here I am, almost one month down in Peru.
The last two weeks, I’ve found myself unable to communicate and put words to paper about the things I’ve seen, the ways Jesus has sought me, and the lives that have touched mine. I’ve been waiting for a clear sign from God about what to write and share, and always heard a “Not Yet”.
He is continually growing within me, putting me in positions to learn and step out of fear and into faith. It has been uncomfortable to say the least. But oh so good.
The latter part of this month, Team Undertow has been doing this thing called “Unsung Heroes”. We go out, seeking people who are Kingdom minded, and who would potentially like to host a World Race team in the future. Our first contact was a huge success. We met with them, and immediately felt connected. Almost like we were a family. With such a great first meeting, I was nervous about who we would meet with next. I asked God to take away any expectations and comparisons.
The next day rolled around and we were to meet with another potential contact. Unlike the day before, only three of us were able to go.
The only three who barely speak a lick of Spanish. Uh, what?
Unbeknownst to me, The Lord had told Mike and Mackenzie (the two who understand Spanish and basically get us around from place to place) that they shouldn’t go on this outing. Honestly, I was mad.
I was mad that they wouldn’t go with me and lead me around Peru. I was mad that I would have to find my way around a foreign city, with only my Spanglish guiding me. I was mad at the Lord, and told Him “Why won’t they go? I need them!!!”and He replied, “Daughter, you need ME.”
The Lord stepped in and guided us that day, taking away all my fears and doubts of how to get around this big city. He sent sweet Peruvians to help us and to speak for us when we were confused. That whole day, He sweetly reminded me to trust in Him completely. And even through my anger, tears and anxiety He calmed my heart, and led me.
The next day started out really sweet. We made breakfast and sat together, worshiped and prayed. The Lord whispered to Mackenzie and Rachael that we needed to go to the beach in Mira Flores. So we got on a bus and went, looking for the one Unsung Hero we were sure we would find.
We prayed as we walked the streets of Mira Flores, asking Him to guide us and direct our steps and put someone in our path that we could help or bless with our awesome Americanness 😉
We walked for a while, and I don’t know about them, but I started to get real frustrated with God. Why was He not sending us just ONE person that we could bless? I was not hearing anything from Him, and my temper started to rise. We decided to sit in the shade, cool off, collect our thoughts and pray. As I was praying, I felt the Lord say ” Sing a song for your teammates.” I questioned Him about 70 times, saying “I don’t think so God. That’s super awkward. We’re sitting at the beach with hundreds of people around and you want me to sing? Um. No thanks.”
But He said, “Do it Maggie.” So I sang.
I was nervous and embarrassed, but I sang. Little did I know that the words of the song, my teammate Lindsey really needed to hear. She sweetly told us what was on her heart, and then went down to the ocean to pray as we stayed on the hill to pray for her.
She came back up the hill, completely joyful and said she had a word from the Lord for each of us. She told me that God told her I shouldn’t be afraid to sing in front of others, and to do it with confidence. She then told us we needed to go down to the beach and throw stones into the ocean to represent giving things away to the Lord.
I stripped my Chacos off and walked/ran down to the ocean and started to throw away the nastiest parts of myself. I kept throwing away fear. Rock after rock, and fear after fear, I threw them as far as I could.
Throwing away fear.
I started to sing a song my Uncle wrote “Do Not Fear” and tears came to my eyes as the Lord sweetly took every fear of mine and set them upon His shoulders. After about 20 minutes of casting out fear, I sat down to just stare at the beauty of His creation. As I was praying, I saw MacKenzie and Lindsey jump into the ocean, squealing with glee, swimming like little fishies.
In my heart, I said “Ahh, I want to do that, but I’ve never swam in the ocean, and what if I drown?” The Lord said to me, “Get in the water, but wait for Rachael.”
So I sat there as Rachael finished praying and I asked her if she wanted to swim with me, and she uncertainly said yes!
We gingerly stepped into the tide, only up to my thighs, and the Lord said “Jump!”
So I jumped into the ocean for the first time in my life! I swam and laughed like a little kid again, sucking in dirty salt water and choking on every breath. But I never felt more refreshed and more alive than in that moment! The Lord washed away every fear, and filled me with joy again.
As I look back on my life, I see a theme of living in fear. Wearing it like a heavy cloak. Bearing the weight of it. Bearing it alone.
Fear, you will not take my destiny. I am not yours to hold. I belong to the One who casts fear back to hell.
That day on the beach, I felt incredibly free. Free of fear and worry. I was able to play and laugh like a child. I swam and wasn’t afraid to drown, because I knew that He had me.
My little friend Romina and I playing and throwing rocks into the ocean.
