“I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all first hand- from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry- forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts or hearsay, crumbs of rumor.” (Job 42:5-6 MSG)
Ya’ll know I love food. It’s probably my highest love language. I love gathering with my people over the table, sharing stories and embarrassing moments- mostly on my end. I love seeing that plate full of God’s blessings and bountiful selections. Truthfully, I’m not a fan of sharing food, because I want to enjoy it all myself (you know I love you if I share food with you). And I don’t think I’m alone in this. Don’t you love food? Don’t you love the God-honoring conversation that happens around the dinner table? Don’t you love having your own plate of goodness? Nobody wants to eat somebodies leftovers or scraps. We want the real thing. And we want all of it.
For most part of my life, I have been living off other peoples crumbs. Other peoples dreams, desires, successes. I had no idea what I wanted. I heard rumors of the wonders of God. Rumors of His speaking. Whispers of His miracles. Shouts of His revelations. And I’ve wanted that. I’ve wanted those stories to be my own. I’ve wanted other peoples revelations. Other people’s whispers and shouts. But I never stopped to ask the Lord if He would give me my own. I was content to live off other peoples God-stories, and celebrate with them, never thinking I’d have my own.
When I signed up for the race, I read blog after blog of people’s testimonies of God healing and saving people in the nations. And shoot, was I excited for that! I wanted to see and be apart of that! For months I prayed I would see a salvation, and witness a healing. I would pray in faith, asking for healing for others, but would never see a thing. I started to get frustrated with God. “Why do other people get to witness these things, and I don’t? Isn’t this what the Race is about? Isn’t this what You called me here for?” or “I have the faith God! Why aren’t You showing up? I’m standing right here- waiting and willing.” (Why do I get so sassy with God?!). I would hear somebody speaking of the revelations they received from Him, and I compared myself to them and thought, “Well, where’s my revelations? Where’s my grand conversation with God?” I was tired of living off of other people’s scraps. I wanted my own stunning banquet with God. I wanted to have my own revelations with Him, My own taste of His glory.
Since being on the race, I’ve come to know that God does indeed speak to us. Whether it’s through a friend, a song, a flower, a mountain top, a whisper or a shout, God’s voice is there. And there are some times when I doubt that voice, thinking it was my own or the worlds voice. I’ve heard His voice first hand. And yet still, I doubt it. But there was this one day in Nepal- a day in which I will never forget.
My team and another team walked to two different temples around Kathmandu. We prayed for a Hindu and a Buddhist temple, interceding on behalf of the people of Nepal. And I honestly didn’t know what to pray for. Should I continue to pray for healings and salvations? Should I pray these temples be destroyed? What are you doing here Lord? How is hope and light going to come to a country deceived by false gods and religions? I prayed something so simple (I don’t even remember what I prayed for; thanks jet lag) and as I walked away from the temple, I heard so clearly in my spirit,
“You are the light in the darkness. Every step you take echoes the boom of the Kingdom.”
I felt the Holy Spirit shivers go down my spine. And then the revelation came. That as a believer, as a daughter of Christ- the Most High God -I have the power to bring Kingdom to earth. To be that dazzling light in complete and utter darkness! To be a part of change all for His glory! And from that day on, I have seen healings and salvations- the very thing I’ve been praying for for months! God had to get me to a place where I heard only His voice. Heard the revelation He meant for me and me only.
I don’t need to live off other people’s God-stories. He’s given me my own experiences and tales. Because I have Jesus, and Jesus is Kingdom. Because He is, I am. Because He is, you are! You have your very own unique stories to tell. Your own heavenly revelations to share. Stop settling for eating the crumbs off others plates. Instead of reading other peoples stories, write your own. Get in the Word and get inspired. I promise you God has something to say and something to reveal to you. He has His own Kingdom journey for you, and it will more than likely not look like somebody elses. Get out there and live the Word. Be Jesus. Be Kingdom. And remember; every step you take echoes the boom of His Kingdom.
Then Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the People of Israel and I tell them, ‘The God of your fathers sent me to you’; and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ What do I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I-AM-WHO-I-AM. Tell the People of Israel, ‘I-AM sent me to you.’”…This has always been my name, and this is how I always will be known.” (Exodus 3:13-15 MSG)
