There are only so many days I can wake up from another horrible night of sleep and continue to be joyful. This morning I hit my wall and couldn’t take it anymore. Coming on this mission trip I knew there would be days like this but now that I’m in the middle of it, I question my sanity…
Why did I choose to leave everything I own behind and live out of a backpack for an entire year? It seemed like such an exciting idea until I woke up at month 4 in the middle of Africa miserable because the bugs that may infect me with malaria won’t stop feasting on me.
Why did I choose to leave my comfortable queen size bed to sleep on this crappy sleeping pad that keeps deflating, leaving me to sleep on the cement floor.
Why did I choose to leave my large carpeted room behind to share a room the size of my bathroom with three other girls and all their stuff?
Why did I choose to leave air conditioning (to think I made fun of my dad for keeping his house so cold in the summer) to sleep in the intense African heat that you simply can’t escape from and then work for hours in the fields?
Why did I choose to leave my family and everyone I love behind to only be able to talk to them via a very shady internet connection that hardely even works for email and doesn't work at all on Christmas?
It is funny how in times of misery God speaks so clearly. I opened up to Philippians this morning and the words from my study bible spoke directly to me: Happiness depends on happenings but joy depends on Christ. Chose joy in every circumstance even when things are going badly, even when you feel like complaining because Christ still reigns and you still know Him.
Use your suffering to build your character; don’t resent it or let it tear you down.
Even though God doesn’t expect us to always be happy and comfortable, we can trust that true joy doesn’t come from our happiness but from knowing Jesus.
I will probably hit my wall many more times in this next year and in my life, but it is encouraging to know that it isn’t our worldly circumstances that give us joy but Jesus.
“Yes, everything else is worthless when compared to the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus” Philippines 3:8
