Some see tears as a sign of weakness, not allowing themselves to cry, proudly proclaiming, “I haven’t cried since I was a young child”.
Others cry at the dinner table. My mother with tears of gratitude in her eyes knowing that all three of her adult children are laughing and sharing a simple Wednesday meal.
Whichever side you tend to take, I’m noticing a simple truth about myself, the more I fall in love with Jesus, the more the tears flow.
The tears this morning and subsequently this blog, comes out of a simple glance.
A study of a picture taken in May, my smiling face standing next to Carlos in his makeshift wheelchair. Upon first glance it seems a simple picture, but sitting at my quiet desk I’m quickly transported back to that dark place in Guatemala.
An elderly nursing home, a place people were sent to die. I notice Carlos grasping his leg, a strained smile upon his face. His voice immediately races through my mind. His cries in Spanish, begging me to relieve the desperate pain in his left side. The anguish in his eyes. The desperation.
No pain killers, no doctors, I was his hope.
He wasn’t always the friendliest man. He was angry. He would yell at me occasionally. Other times he would just want me to hold his hand. I guarded my heart around him, not wanting to feel the anguish he felt. There was no other way I could make it through a month in that place without protecting my emotions. But now, 10 months removed, the tears flow.
“Jesus Wept” John 11:35
This is one of my favorite verses. Simple yet so profound. Jesus wept. God weeps. He sees the struggles, the anguish of the world. He not only sees it but He feels it, He weeps with us. We may see ourselves as strong for not crying and ignoring the hurts of this world, a defense mechanism, protecting ourselves from unwanted emotions. Some of this defense is good, needed. But sometimes, this morning being one of them, I’m going to just allow myself to feel Carlos’ pain, feel his hurt and I’m going to let the tears flow.
