Where does this come from? Is it simply human nature to wrestle with an inner discontentment.
As sons and daughters of God are we called to be utterly content in our lives or does God give us a Holy discontentment, a push and desire to seek after His kingdom even more.
I find myself tangled between discontentment and complete satisfaction.
On one hand I feel a sense of complete and utter joy.
The birds that sing a sweet song as I walk down my sidewalk each morning, warm coffee in hand. Hot bubble baths and yummy food. Dates with my dad to Mall of America, dance parties with my sister and daring conversations with my mom.
But as much as I feel an inner joy, I feel a tugging upon my heart, tugging me back.
Back to the dump of the Philippines. Back to that small Serbian garage, six amazing women laughing. Back to the broken hearted. Back to living on $3 a day. Back to homeless shelters and the orphaned elderly. Back to lice and sickness.
Toilets, beds, showers and close proximity to family were all desires that left me feeling discontent while on the World Race. Dreamily thinking about all those things I missed, counting down the days to home.
8 months later, through iPhone chats and many States in between, us girls dreamily put ourselves back in Panama, Ukraine, Swaziland; rehashing all those precious memories and our desire to return.
That is the funny thing about living a life well lived. You leave pieces of your heart in so many places, left with a yearning to return yet not wanting to leave.
A part of me wonders if I will ever learn to find utter contentment. The other part of me hopes not. Hoping that God will continue to tug on my heart, pulling me constantly towards Himself and His crazy adventure for my life. An adventure that might be as crazy as simply finding joy while walking down a sidewalk towards another day left pondering in a sea of cubicles.
