I’m not sure if you guys have noticed the same trend as of recent with everyone in the Christian world talking about bodies of water. I mean there’s freaking rivers, oceans, waves, hurricanes (which I don’t consider a body of water but they usually throw around a lot of water I think), cups filled up or poured out, pools of it, probably lakes and puddles somehow some where. Whatever… There’s a lot of liquid being personified in the church community now a days. So this started to confuse me because I wasn’t sure what exactly I was supposed to do with it though… Like there’s all this liquid and I don’t know what it’s there for.
So a classic water story, Peter trying to walk on water. He’s pretty successful at first then looks at the waves and starts to go under, literally. As someone who has tried every running start, sneak attacking, and just casual approach to walking on water there is, I feel Peter’s struggle. However this month God revealed a little more to me. If you know me or were to get to know me, my love for eating and food is a pretty high love. Cook something for me or buy me food, #1 love language. You’ll have my heart will be puddy in your hands. So when God told me to fast for 3 days I basically felt like he was asking me to walk on water. And much like Peter I failed. I mean the pasta was just sitting there calling my name.
So obviously now I’m feeling super guilty because I mean Jesus fasted for 40 days apparently somewhere in the bible. Also, just a small thing he did, he died for the world so they could be forgiven of their sins, but I can’t handle 3 days of fasting. I’m also pretty hard on myself when it comes to doing things and doing them right. But anyways I was beating myself up pretty hard for this one. (Cue the hurricane). That morning he was loving like a hurricane and I was the tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. Thanks John Mark McMillan. That morning I got the real weight of what Jesus’s sacrifice was for. It didn’t matter that I failed because Jesus took care of that sin and left it on that cross some 2,000 years ago or something like that. God knew I was going to make that mistake when he asked me to do that fast, but also knew that it was okay because he had sent is son, who was perfect mind you, to take that one on for me. Pretty unfair but freaking thanks Jesus.
So obviously now I’m under water, took my eyes off Jesus and started looking at the waves and fell under them right? But wait! Now there’s songs about wanting to be under the water. “And your love wave after wave, crashes over me crashes over me.” During my failed fast though I failed, something positive, I had the BEST quiet times. Aka the time I do devotions or pray or worship or whatever the heck seems like a fun way to hang out with Big Man for a bit. You know when you’re at the beach and you have to jump the waves some times but the break and smack you in the face or gut or your trying to boogie board and failing for the 496th time since you were 5 just flipping and getting hopelessly dragged and slammed around across the shells on the floor of the ocean? That’s what this time felt like. It was like I had a open phone line on all the time with God and he was talking back when I said or asked some thing. Now if that means I’m under water getting smashed by waves in down! I don’t know why everyone’s always using Peter as a lesson maybe he had the right idea to get smacked around by the waves.
So Church, I am begging… Where the heck am I supposed to be in this giant super soaker battle we are having and whose on my team?! Because I feel like the kid left last picked for teams on the playground for kickball but instead of being the last chosen they just decided to have teams and then me. Hardly fair you bullies. Hardly fair.
However this morning I have had quite the epiphany. What if it just doesn’t matter. What if whether you’re walking on water, or being hit by 100 mph winds and rain, or failing to boogie board actually doesn’t matter? What if I’m fighting in a battle and I’m the only one with 2 super soakers and 3 dollar store water pistols with 60 water balloons? Like, I’m picturing myself in a field shooting water, doing James Bond rolls and diving behind trees after throwing water grenades and people are just driving by wondering what the heck is wrong with the girl in the field by herself.
One time I was having a conversation with my cousin Megan about making pretty big life decisions. And she said something remarkable that has stuck around. God doesn’t put two doors in front of you and say, “Good luck! Hope you pick the right one!” God is with us wherever you are. What ever you’re doing. He’s going to be right there with you. He promised us that. Bethel’s new song “In Over My Head” was playing and it clicked.
“Further and further my
Heart moves away from the
shore. Whatever it looks like
Whatever may come I am yours.”
If you’re on a team in this water battle, I challenge us to stop and just see what God wants the water to do to us. If we walk on the water, sweet. If we get wiped out, awesome. If we just get smacked in the face with a wave, gnarly. God knows what we need in each moment though. He knows when we need to walk on water and a miracle he’s given us works out completely. He knows when we need to be pummeled by his mercy and live because we feel worthless. He knows when we just need a good holy smack in the face to gain deeper understanding of him and what he’s doing with us here and now. The important thing isn’t what we do with the water but what he does with the water.
“Whether I sink,
Whether I swim,
It makes no difference when,
I’m beautifully in over my head.”
