Right now I am in the middle of a lake on a ferry in Nicaragua and if there is anything in this world I could share with someone it’s this sunset I’m looking at. Every time I look up it is different. Going from golden to orange, with the black mountains silhouetted against it. Now it’s a deep red, almost crimson and purple. We’ve been taking pictures and we’ve failed to capture any of the brilliance.
I’m constantly reminded of the time ever so quickly slipping get through my grasp. I have two weeks left here in Rivas until I go to my final debrief. I am constantly going back and forth between being so excited to be home and in comfort. To be with my friends and family. To eat biscuits and gravy, to understand the language around me, to watch the playoffs at bdubs. To have air conditioning and non white tile floors. But it’s in these moments, like the ones that just passed me, that I am so incredibly happy. I am happiest in these moment sitting and looking at what God is painting right in front of me.
The picture worthy moments of this trip have been far too many to count. Having a laughing Filipino child in my arms while you’re teaching her to swim, when she was once to scared to even let me hold her in the big pool. Walking around covered in pee and vomit from the orphan at 3 in the morning who just screams if you put him down. The smile from my African buddy that was slightly longer than she wanted me to see when she got a picture of us for Christmas. The giant African man saving me after falling into a waterfall and going down some cascades. Watching a Nica 3 year old lay on a skateboard on his stomach day in and day out. Or the taunting from the 12 year old boys when they beat you in checkers for the 6 millionth time.
These are all moments that have shaped me and formed me this year. This trip has been life changing. It has shown me joy in the small things. Comfort in the uncomfortable. Support when no one else is around to lean on. Beauty in trash. Humility in serving, and being served for that matter. This trip more than anything has taught me to look. To stop and stare. To soak things in. To take moments so seriously. To engrain them in my mind and to live them. Not to shove my phone in between each and it. Because the picture will never capture that real beauty of it.
A picture won’t capture the laugh of Arianna in that pool, or the love I found when I thought I had none for baby Rinz that morning. It wouldn’t show the triumph from so. much. hard work that got that smile from Naomi, or the stability of Lucky when he pulled me out of that waterfall. It won’t show the content I have learned from Marvin on that skateboard or the pride that Angel or Tomas has when they destroy me in Checkers. For the 6000001st time…
To be fully alive is such a cliche type of thought now a days. But it is so much more than you can capture, so much more than you can explain. It’s not something you can sum up in a quote with a cute background on Pinterest. It is not something that you can get directions for. It’s not something that only happens when you drop life for a year and travel. It is something that happens when you sit and notice what is happening around you. When you actively participate in the universe that is moving and working around you. We are so future driven in this generation. We are so caught up in what will be. While it would be stupid to not have a plan for moving forward, it is more stupid to be consumed in the thing that you can’t even guarantee. So dumb to be completely wrapped up in the might be if cards fall right.
I’m now sitting in complete darkness, the sunset had passed. But now right above me there is a sky filled to the brim with stars. There is one of the best friends I’ve ever had sitting on my right. Next to her is a girl have learned from had laughs with that have made our stomachs hurt that has been my companion in making fun of the other friend every day. Across from me is a new older brother who calls me out when I’m not doing things I know I should. Who shows how to lead and to love. Who has taught me what it looks like to be consumed by God. So, though that sunset I’ll try to post on insta has passed, there is still life, beauty, love, and Jesus surrounding me.
The fact of the matter is your treasure will be where your heart is. Mumford says something like that and so does the bible. I call that pretty reliable. I want to tell you are to put your hearts in the moment. You can’t do that with out God. Because other wise you’re going to worry about your future. What might happen. What might not happen. What might fail. What could be the biggest mess up or biggest success of your life. When you the throw all that on God you no longer have to worry. You know you’re in hands that care and love for you. That will make sure you are okay if you fully trust and give him reins and the worry. There is nothing to distract you from the here and the now because you’ll know the best plan will work itself out in his care.
I pray you watch a sunset that is beyond words or pictures. Share laughs that hurt your belly. That you cry tears that hurt. That you find new places. You conquer fears. You see joy in the small things. Comfort in the uncomfortable. Support when no one else is around to lean on. Beauty in trash. Humility. I pray you look. That you actually experience this small sliver of eternity here, and make it memorable for no one else but yourself.
I pray you live friends. I pray you do it really and actively. More so I pray you all hand your lives over to the big man who can make all of this possible. That you see the fullness of a life with out trying to do the heavy lifting yourself.
Thank all of you so much for all you have done for me this year. To my supporters and friends and family thank you for making this possible. Thank you for the amazing year you have gifted me this year. For believing in me going in this trip and for believing that this was worth it. To my squad thank you for changing my life. Thank you for kicking me in the butt when needed. Thank you for letting me ugly cry. For dealing with my cursing and out of control bread problem. I could never explain all the things I learned or gained from just being around people who live like you guys. Gap B, you’re forever stuck with me having been a part of my life and I’m so thankful. Thank you for this year. I love you all.
